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Broken...

LegoBear

So I have spent my life in and out of mental health services with the view from others and myself that I am broken and need fixing. I have spent my life trying to fix myself, trying hard enough to change who I am to fit in. I have had my diagnosis of ASD a few weeks now and although I now realise my problems are due to the autism I still believe myself to be broken. I don't see any point anymore because I can't be fixed. I'm so confused.

Parents

  • I understand what you’re saying. Like you I’ve been in and out of different mental health services. I’d tell my story and the Dr would focus on a piece and I’d be given therapy for that. Whilst in that therapy I talk and the Drs would focus in on something else and I’d have therapy for this. This was the pattern for 20 years. Each time they labelled me I had hope that I’d be fixed if I put the effort in.. fast forward to last year my ASD daughters Dr suggested I seek an ASD assessment as he felt I was also Autistic. I had my assessment and the Dr laughed at how obvious it was that I was Autistic. Apparently I was one of the easiest diagnosis he’d had and found it ridiculous it had taken this long.

    Its left me feeling like I now can’t be fixed. Like there’s not a treatment etc for it. I accept the diagnosis and can also see how obvious it was but I’ve held on for so long that I’d be able to be fixed that I’m struggling to adjust my way of thinking. I hope this helps you know you’re not alone. Take time to grieve the loss of hope (that’s the only way I can word it) and gradually the feeling will lessen. I’m still on that journey my self and want to thank you so much for putting into words that which I haven’t been able too. 

Reply

  • I understand what you’re saying. Like you I’ve been in and out of different mental health services. I’d tell my story and the Dr would focus on a piece and I’d be given therapy for that. Whilst in that therapy I talk and the Drs would focus in on something else and I’d have therapy for this. This was the pattern for 20 years. Each time they labelled me I had hope that I’d be fixed if I put the effort in.. fast forward to last year my ASD daughters Dr suggested I seek an ASD assessment as he felt I was also Autistic. I had my assessment and the Dr laughed at how obvious it was that I was Autistic. Apparently I was one of the easiest diagnosis he’d had and found it ridiculous it had taken this long.

    Its left me feeling like I now can’t be fixed. Like there’s not a treatment etc for it. I accept the diagnosis and can also see how obvious it was but I’ve held on for so long that I’d be able to be fixed that I’m struggling to adjust my way of thinking. I hope this helps you know you’re not alone. Take time to grieve the loss of hope (that’s the only way I can word it) and gradually the feeling will lessen. I’m still on that journey my self and want to thank you so much for putting into words that which I haven’t been able too. 

Children
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