Broken...

Hi, I hope it's ok to still reply given that you said that the comments made you more upset. I just wanted to say that I don't think we (autistic people) are broken. We are different. I also only recently realised that I am probably autistic and it is really helping me to accept myself. It's not realistic to expect the world to change to be more suited to the needs of autistic people, however I have realised that there are things I can do to make my environment more suited to my needs. This is quite a different approach to trying to 'fix myself' (and I am not saying that working on yourself is not good/useful) and I personally find it very helpful. I try to be more accepting of myself and for example I have become much more aware of how exhausting social interactions can be so I dose them much more carefully- I accept that I need to withdraw more often than some neurotypical people and I try let myself do what is good for me. Also in terms of work environment, I am much more mindful of what type of work environment will work best for me and I try to adjust any aspects that I can and I will keep this in mind when I look for my next place to work. I think that there are some fundamental things about myself that I cannot and do not want to change and that's fine and for me it is so much healthier to stop trying so hard to change things that cannot or should not be changed. I didn't have to mask as much at university as I was very lucky to have landed in what I would call a very "autism friendly" university and environment and I met people that I connected to easily without having to mask. Masking and trying to fit in all the time is very exhausting and not sustainable in the long term. 

For me realising that I am autistic meant that I could finally "be an alien in peace"- it helped with self-acceptance, though I still struggle. My aim is to be myself as much as I can (I interact mostly with those close friends that I really connect to, if I feel like spending the weekend all alone, I do so. I do not join social events or group activities that make me unhappy and that I have no interest in/ that only stress me out. I'm not saying I will not ever push myself out of my comfort zone but I am much more targeted in when I would do so and for now it is very freeing to let go of some of the expectations). I think viewing yourself as "not broken" can be very healthy as it helps with self acceptance and can help you change things in your environment and life that make things easier. 

Anyways, what is the definition of being "broken" vs "not broken"? or of "normal"? we are all so different whether neurotypical or neurodivergent and all have our struggles- just because we are autistic does not make us more or less broken than neurotypicals in my opinion. 

No idea if any of this is helpful- I don't want to generalise by any means and mainly referred to my own experience here. And I am really sorry if this comment upsets you further. 

Hi, I hope it's ok to still reply given that you said that the comments made you more upset. I just wanted to say that I don't think we (autistic people) are broken. We are different. I also only recently realised that I am probably autistic and it is really helping me to accept myself. It's not realistic to expect the world to change to be more suited to the needs of autistic people, however I have realised that there are things I can do to make my environment more suited to my needs. This is quite a different approach to trying to 'fix myself' (and I am not saying that working on yourself is not good/useful) and I personally find it very helpful. I try to be more accepting of myself and for example I have become much more aware of how exhausting social interactions can be so I dose them much more carefully- I accept that I need to withdraw more often than some neurotypical people and I try let myself do what is good for me. Also in terms of work environment, I am much more mindful of what type of work environment will work best for me and I try to adjust any aspects that I can and I will keep this in mind when I look for my next place to work. I think that there are some fundamental things about myself that I cannot and do not want to change and that's fine and for me it is so much healthier to stop trying so hard to change things that cannot or should not be changed. I didn't have to mask as much at university as I was very lucky to have landed in what I would call a very "autism friendly" university and environment and I met people that I connected to easily without having to mask. Masking and trying to fit in all the time is very exhausting and not sustainable in the long term. 

For me realising that I am autistic meant that I could finally "be an alien in peace"- it helped with self-acceptance, though I still struggle. My aim is to be myself as much as I can (I interact mostly with those close friends that I really connect to, if I feel like spending the weekend all alone, I do so. I do not join social events or group activities that make me unhappy and that I have no interest in/ that only stress me out. I'm not saying I will not ever push myself out of my comfort zone but I am much more targeted in when I would do so and for now it is very freeing to let go of some of the expectations). I think viewing yourself as "not broken" can be very healthy as it helps with self acceptance and can help you change things in your environment and life that make things easier. 

Anyways, what is the definition of being "broken" vs "not broken"? or of "normal"? we are all so different whether neurotypical or neurodivergent and all have our struggles- just because we are autistic does not make us more or less broken than neurotypicals in my opinion. 

No idea if any of this is helpful- I don't want to generalise by any means and mainly referred to my own experience here. And I am really sorry if this comment upsets you further. 

I really agree with everything you have written here Ann. It’s not a matter of ‘broken’ or ‘not broken’ - that is an example of ‘all or nothing’ thinking - which is very common in autistic people. In reality there is a middle ground where an autistic person can find ways to live a productive and enjoyable life - at least some of the time . Being autistic brings many challenges to life it’s true. As a minority we are not likely to ever experience a society that is entirely comfortable for us. However there are so many things we can do to make our lives better and to form good relationships with others. 

Many of us feel ‘broken’ at times - but we’re not, we are just a bit bruised and battered by life. 
But bruises can heal - with time and care x