Aggression in adults

First - I really would love to stress it's important to start listing everything you are angry about.  Your emotions are worth listening to. Recognising and affirming the self is the first step in making amends or adjusting your lifestyle, creating better boundaries. Asking what are my strengths and weaknesses. 

This process is a continual process for me. I would fill notebooks with rage when I was younger and it would take some time before I could identify that raging onto paper as the only outlet for the abuses, manipulations, frustrations with language and with those obsessed with power, the limitations and weights I felt which I could not identify or name due to a lack of command with linguistics. And a lack of understanding how the world works coupled with a lack of understanding even basic principles or rules of how to create a better life. If I could find the rules in the chaos, perhaps I could fight back and create genuine change.

As I got older there were further issues in need of addressing: interruptions, interrogations, sensory assaults and all of these being dismissed, disregarded. When I wasn't allowed focus I would be accident prone, things would break, they'd get misplaced, cooking ruined or stovetops left on. As a matter of health and safety, focus was the first thing to get under control. 

There were things 'everyone should be able to do' which I for some reason couldn't. Aside from the demands of society, gaslighting and general cruelty and the inability to make enough money to survive, I had to seek help. 

I found mentors and wisdom in many unconventional places. But this stuff can build up. We can only handle so much until we 'boil'. Unresolved issues are a major complication for Autistics. There are individuals I can let go of and write off an apology from (forgiveness) because I have no desire to reconcile with. And there are a few others, like a parent, who leave this residual of unresolved problems. That lack of resolve can be enough 'heat' (if we use a pot boiling on a hob as an analogy) to push me to a limit daily. 

Not just unresolved. but Indefinite Postponement is another small act of cruelty which is normal in NT society because no one wants to be the first to complain and appear 'powerless'. 

It's perfectly fine to be angry. In situations of injustice, we should be angry. Anger is the catalyst to bring about order from chaos. It is a reckoning emotion. All emotions can have purpose. They can also be based off of incorrect logic, for instance, the wrong assumption about a belief (Blue is a bad colour, that chair is blue, all the chairs in this cafe are blue therefore I have been forced to sit on the floor). Beliefs and perspectives can be reconciled. But relationships are not so simple. My environment can be adjusted, but when I go out, it's a world of frustration. There are real things we can fix and others we cannot. I can always trust someone who is well aware of their weaknesses :) 

BTW - I will always suggest The Artists Way. It is genuinely a great workbook to help one begin to sort through the overwhelming chaos. I would also suggest all of Orwell's essays, Chesterton's essays - go back in history and begin to understand the trajectories from 100 years ago. These 2 were both columnists, appreciated precision with language and can help turn the slightest nuance of a gap between 2 seemingly similar concepts into a chasm. 

Also, call out those who supposed to be supportive but are dismissive. "If you're going to continually dismiss me, it is hurtful, not helpful and you will force me to sever this relationship for my own safety". 

Thank you so much for all of that. I really relate to what you have written and I’m really grateful for the advice. I will certainly have a look at the workbook and essays you have mentioned. 

Thank you so much for all of that. I really relate to what you have written and I’m really grateful for the advice. I will certainly have a look at the workbook and essays you have mentioned.