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Useful Strategies

Jon

I was thinking - people often talk about useful strategies and coping strategies. I know that I have developed strategies to best cope with Asperger's Syndrome. The problem is actually identifying these strategies. Some I can think of:

  • I wear ear defenders to reduce intrusive noise.
  • I try to plan things well to lessen the stress of a situation.
  • I try to be aware that I may not be communicating well - and tell the person.
  • I try to facilitate written communication over verbal.

Does anyone have any useful strategies that they would like to share? I know its pretty broad in scope and the strategies may be quite specific to the person but they may still be of use to others (including me Smile).

 

 

  • In order to engage in conversation we are expected to make at least occasional eye contact. Before I understood all this, as I explained above, I had just developed this tendancy to look at people's mouths. It seemed to be doing sufficient for other people to believe I am making eye contact.

    I've only tried to do it differently through reading about what people expect, studying people in conversations, and trying to emulate it. I just find it very hard.

    You need periodic eye contact in order to convey you are following the discussion or agreeing to it. Other people are looking to see this response. It is quite important to neurotypicals to measure each other's responses to see who agrees with them, disagrees with them etc. I know that owing to Aspergers I fail to make these connections. I'm trying to see if I can improve (I'm not inclined to the view that its OK to be isolated and not engage with people just because of the diagnosis).

    You also need to be looking at faces in order to read people's expressions, to register if they are happy, or angry etc. Unfortunately I'm in trouble there because I don't seem to be able to generate the facial expressions I need, and often confuse people. I tend to go for happy/cheerful (over the top) as much as I can as that seems safest, but I know I often look sad or bored or out of it.

    Of course this gets back to the professionals (and NAS's) favourite tool - Social Stories - which tell us about these facial expressions and looks people with autsm cannot read properly or generate properly - things we are apparently supposed to be able to do, if we were normal like neurotypicals etc etc etc.

    So yes Jon I want to appear to be looking at someone's eyes occasionally, just to make the best of a bad job, and yes I find it hard, very hard.

  • longman said:

    I wish someone would come up with a strategy for eye contact. I had somehow worked around to looking at people's mouths, which I did for years. At least it conveyed the impression that I was looking at people, and I did get some facial expression information from it.

    Since trying to improve however, I've ended up with rather less effective, more noticeable poor eye contact, and I'm very self conscious its not working.

    ... hi Longman, what do you think the actual problem is? Are you saying you want to appear to be looking at someones eyes but find that hard? If so, why?

  • I have tried a few things to deal with the phone over the years. At one point I was turning the ring off altogether and had a caller display with a light on top. But then of course you don't know what the person wants.  

    That ring seems to be the worst thing, even turned down to the quietest volume. 

    On communicating - I do tend to ask people if I am making sense to them and if they understand what I am trying to explain. That does keep me on track better.

    Your other point about planning ahead - that does help doesn't it? For instance, if I have to go somewhere I always look on google earth first so I can actually see the route I am going to take. On the same site I also check what my destination looks like, where I am going to park. That all helps for the journey.

  • Stonechat said:

    Hi

    I also avoid verbal communication whenever possible. When it comes to the telephone - I always let it go to the answer-phone first.  Then can decide if I want to speak to the person. It doesn't lessen the stress though when the thing rings.

    I can relate to that. I don't answer the phone either. If I get left a message then I decide how (or if) to respond. It still makes me panic though when the phone rings.

  • Hi

    I have found my own best strategy for eye contact is to look over my glasses. So I get a 'blurry' image of the face I am talking to, which is more comfortable to look at. (I get next to nothing from the face anyway, even from the mouth.)

    If I'm in a busy situation that I'm not coping with too well, but can't get out of, I take the glasses off. It gives me a sort of visual barrier.

    I do have a habit of putting cotton wool in my ears to muffle noise generally - which often leads to people asking what's wrong with my ears. 

    I also avoid verbal communication whenever possible. When it comes to the telephone - I always let it go to the answer-phone first.  Then can decide if I want to speak to the person. It doesn't lessen the stress though when the thing rings.

  • I wish someone would come up with a strategy for eye contact. I had somehow worked around to looking at people's mouths, which I did for years. At least it conveyed the impression that I was looking at people, and I did get some facial expression information from it.

    Since trying to improve however, I've ended up with rather less effective, more noticeable poor eye contact, and I'm very self conscious its not working.