Useful Strategies

In order to engage in conversation we are expected to make at least occasional eye contact. Before I understood all this, as I explained above, I had just developed this tendancy to look at people's mouths. It seemed to be doing sufficient for other people to believe I am making eye contact.

I've only tried to do it differently through reading about what people expect, studying people in conversations, and trying to emulate it. I just find it very hard.

You need periodic eye contact in order to convey you are following the discussion or agreeing to it. Other people are looking to see this response. It is quite important to neurotypicals to measure each other's responses to see who agrees with them, disagrees with them etc. I know that owing to Aspergers I fail to make these connections. I'm trying to see if I can improve (I'm not inclined to the view that its OK to be isolated and not engage with people just because of the diagnosis).

You also need to be looking at faces in order to read people's expressions, to register if they are happy, or angry etc. Unfortunately I'm in trouble there because I don't seem to be able to generate the facial expressions I need, and often confuse people. I tend to go for happy/cheerful (over the top) as much as I can as that seems safest, but I know I often look sad or bored or out of it.

Of course this gets back to the professionals (and NAS's) favourite tool - Social Stories - which tell us about these facial expressions and looks people with autsm cannot read properly or generate properly - things we are apparently supposed to be able to do, if we were normal like neurotypicals etc etc etc.

So yes Jon I want to appear to be looking at someone's eyes occasionally, just to make the best of a bad job, and yes I find it hard, very hard.

In order to engage in conversation we are expected to make at least occasional eye contact. Before I understood all this, as I explained above, I had just developed this tendancy to look at people's mouths. It seemed to be doing sufficient for other people to believe I am making eye contact.

I've only tried to do it differently through reading about what people expect, studying people in conversations, and trying to emulate it. I just find it very hard.

You need periodic eye contact in order to convey you are following the discussion or agreeing to it. Other people are looking to see this response. It is quite important to neurotypicals to measure each other's responses to see who agrees with them, disagrees with them etc. I know that owing to Aspergers I fail to make these connections. I'm trying to see if I can improve (I'm not inclined to the view that its OK to be isolated and not engage with people just because of the diagnosis).

You also need to be looking at faces in order to read people's expressions, to register if they are happy, or angry etc. Unfortunately I'm in trouble there because I don't seem to be able to generate the facial expressions I need, and often confuse people. I tend to go for happy/cheerful (over the top) as much as I can as that seems safest, but I know I often look sad or bored or out of it.

Of course this gets back to the professionals (and NAS's) favourite tool - Social Stories - which tell us about these facial expressions and looks people with autsm cannot read properly or generate properly - things we are apparently supposed to be able to do, if we were normal like neurotypicals etc etc etc.

So yes Jon I want to appear to be looking at someone's eyes occasionally, just to make the best of a bad job, and yes I find it hard, very hard.