Looking for people to connect with

Hi sphynx, I see you posted this a few days ago so I hope you are feeling better.  You used to play recorder.  I am also a recorder player, it is a lovely instrument.  I mainly play music by Handel, Telemann, Loeillet and Hotteterre.  Why did you stop playing?  Happy to chat!

Hi, thank you very much for your reply. Lovely to hear about your recorder playing! I stopped because of a combination of performance anxiety and experiences that knocked my confidence.

Still pretty lonely - had some painful friendship situations recently so it may persist for a while. Thank you, a chat would be nice :)

Sorry to hear that you are still having a tough time. I hope things get better for you soon.

I suffer performance anxiety too. My teacher is the only person who hears me play (through necessity). Other than that I just play for myself.

Autimator said:

But, the conscious mind can get in the way of things flowing, learning to manage the mind so that its calm for long enough.

It is the egoic awareness that gets in the way of the conscious mind's creative / intuitive flow, rather than as such the other way around.

Learning to listen inwardly to the comparative silence that all other sounds become clear through ~ is one recommended methodology for tapping more into the vitalising / guiding essence of the creative / intuitive flow, if that might be of some assistance. 

Yes, many times I've been in flow state for a long time and suddenly it stops and then realise I am dying for the loo, desperate for a drink, and hungry.  You try being prepared and put food and a drink in front of you before you start, but usually don't think of it so its untouched.

I have bits and pieces of flow state really, still work to do on managing thoughts that stop it flowing.

It can help to engage with other autistic people even they feel different, because there will be common aspects but also not share some things with others.

Yes! Flow state. Exactly. When I am deeply involved in something (such as when I was drawing) time means nothing, I don’t think about eating or drinking, I just get completely immersed in my work. I miss that so much. I need to find a way to get back to it. My son is also feeling very adrift at the moment as he is not currently hugely engaged in any interest or activity. We’ve both really lost our way. We go out for walks most days just to get out of the house and I often feel we’re like a couple of lost souls wandering in the wilderness. That’s why I came on here - because we were both struggling and I was looking to connect with other autistic people  who I could relate to and see if they’d experienced similar difficulties. Which of course many have. 

Flow state, get that going and its bliss.  But, the conscious mind can get in the way of things flowing, learning to manage the mind so that its calm for long enough.  I'm better, but more to do.

Its worth trying ideas that can shift the focus from the self, all autistics are different so no guarantees any ideas will be work, but give them a go.

That’s really interesting - thank you. My son also struggles sometimes with focus and concentration (so do I). We have to be super engaged with something to be really focused on it - like many autistic people I suppose. I think we will get a keyboard :) 

Listening to music is good, but learning to play is better - you have to focus more, and that will take your mind of thoughts/anxiety/stress.  At around 10 my parents bought a small keyboard, probably as I had learned the recorder, it was basic but it sparked something, I learned to copy bits of music in the charts and later tried to play whole songs from sheet music books but it was impossible to focus clearly on it all the way through and made mistakes, or suddenly confused about the notes.   Happens in other things I do, suddenly lose coordination or forget how to do something, but then it all comes back as suddenly.

So, yes, buy a keyboard, start with a cheap one and see if it sparks something...

Thank you for your very kind words - I really appreciate that. It great that you’re continuing to compose. I’ve often thought what a wonderful thing it must be to compose music. I’ve considered getting my son a keyboard of some kind as he is struggling with depression and ocd at the moment - he’s out of college as a result and I feel he might benefit from something to engage him and distract him from ruminating on the things that are making him unhappy. Listening to music is one of the few things that lifts his spirits at the moment. 
Wishing you all the best with your music - it’s a shame you can’t post some pieces on here - it would be wonderful to hear them! 

Thank you very much for your solidarity. I’m so sorry to hear you have been unable to engage with your art - to be forcibly detached from a best friend is devastating. I hope you find paths back into your work when you’re ready to make your way there.

I have been lucky in that I didn’t use my instruments to compose, so composition has continued and I’m about to finish my Masters partly focused on that facet of my creative practice. But I do quite deeply regret stopping playing at times, to the extent that hearing recorder and flute, or even hearing people talk about them, can be painful.

Thank you very much for your solidarity. I’m so sorry to hear you have been unable to engage with your art - to be forcibly detached from a best friend is devastating. I hope you find paths back into your work when you’re ready to make your way there.

I have been lucky in that I didn’t use my instruments to compose, so composition has continued and I’m about to finish my Masters partly focused on that facet of my creative practice. But I do quite deeply regret stopping playing at times, to the extent that hearing recorder and flute, or even hearing people talk about them, can be painful.

Autimator said:

But, the conscious mind can get in the way of things flowing, learning to manage the mind so that its calm for long enough.

It is the egoic awareness that gets in the way of the conscious mind's creative / intuitive flow, rather than as such the other way around.

Learning to listen inwardly to the comparative silence that all other sounds become clear through ~ is one recommended methodology for tapping more into the vitalising / guiding essence of the creative / intuitive flow, if that might be of some assistance. 

Yes, many times I've been in flow state for a long time and suddenly it stops and then realise I am dying for the loo, desperate for a drink, and hungry.  You try being prepared and put food and a drink in front of you before you start, but usually don't think of it so its untouched.

I have bits and pieces of flow state really, still work to do on managing thoughts that stop it flowing.

It can help to engage with other autistic people even they feel different, because there will be common aspects but also not share some things with others.

Yes! Flow state. Exactly. When I am deeply involved in something (such as when I was drawing) time means nothing, I don’t think about eating or drinking, I just get completely immersed in my work. I miss that so much. I need to find a way to get back to it. My son is also feeling very adrift at the moment as he is not currently hugely engaged in any interest or activity. We’ve both really lost our way. We go out for walks most days just to get out of the house and I often feel we’re like a couple of lost souls wandering in the wilderness. That’s why I came on here - because we were both struggling and I was looking to connect with other autistic people  who I could relate to and see if they’d experienced similar difficulties. Which of course many have. 

Flow state, get that going and its bliss.  But, the conscious mind can get in the way of things flowing, learning to manage the mind so that its calm for long enough.  I'm better, but more to do.

Its worth trying ideas that can shift the focus from the self, all autistics are different so no guarantees any ideas will be work, but give them a go.

That’s really interesting - thank you. My son also struggles sometimes with focus and concentration (so do I). We have to be super engaged with something to be really focused on it - like many autistic people I suppose. I think we will get a keyboard :) 

Listening to music is good, but learning to play is better - you have to focus more, and that will take your mind of thoughts/anxiety/stress.  At around 10 my parents bought a small keyboard, probably as I had learned the recorder, it was basic but it sparked something, I learned to copy bits of music in the charts and later tried to play whole songs from sheet music books but it was impossible to focus clearly on it all the way through and made mistakes, or suddenly confused about the notes.   Happens in other things I do, suddenly lose coordination or forget how to do something, but then it all comes back as suddenly.

So, yes, buy a keyboard, start with a cheap one and see if it sparks something...

Thank you for your very kind words - I really appreciate that. It great that you’re continuing to compose. I’ve often thought what a wonderful thing it must be to compose music. I’ve considered getting my son a keyboard of some kind as he is struggling with depression and ocd at the moment - he’s out of college as a result and I feel he might benefit from something to engage him and distract him from ruminating on the things that are making him unhappy. Listening to music is one of the few things that lifts his spirits at the moment. 
Wishing you all the best with your music - it’s a shame you can’t post some pieces on here - it would be wonderful to hear them!