Looking for people to connect with

Hi sphynx, I see you posted this a few days ago so I hope you are feeling better.  You used to play recorder.  I am also a recorder player, it is a lovely instrument.  I mainly play music by Handel, Telemann, Loeillet and Hotteterre.  Why did you stop playing?  Happy to chat!

Hi, thank you very much for your reply. Lovely to hear about your recorder playing! I stopped because of a combination of performance anxiety and experiences that knocked my confidence.

Still pretty lonely - had some painful friendship situations recently so it may persist for a while. Thank you, a chat would be nice :)

Shame your confidence was knocked, that tends to be autistic life though - anxiety and difficulties mean your brain isn't focusing fully on success, and mistakes can happen and that dents us, and if you keep feeling dented you get to bad place.  Even successes can be painful and not really feel like success.

I've had to learn to manage anxiety, it was probably present through childhood onwards but had no idea what is was or could describe it to anyone.  Its only in the last few years I've worked on it, and using mindfulness and a CBT self-help book i've more recently developed better thinking and its gone away.  Not life changing, still autistic, but confident with that and moving forward.

Painful friendships/relationships can need time to recover from, and distractions like music and thinking better can help, so be kind to yourself and heal.  I'm in that place, others here also.

I love that, thank you :) Tiny autistic guardian angels would be brilliant, but as you say hard to find

No trouble, I just try and pass on advice or ideas that might help.  Autistic people can kind of need another autistic person sat on there shoulder ready to step in and warn us or give advice, but of course that can't happen, tiny autistic people are rarer than normal sized ones.

Ah of course, Thich Nhat Hanh - I love how he has worked to create an ecoBuddhist movement. Thank you for the link.

I have been working on the clinginess, and always give people space when they ask for it, but there’s a long way to go before I find a balance.

The selectiveness is harder to explain. Again, I have been working on it, but it’s not easy to find those deep, mutual connections - for anyone maybe, that’s partly why they’re so special.

Thank you for replying so consistently and in so much depth by the way, it’s very generous

https://plumvillage.org/podcasts/the-way-out-is-in/

Thich Nhat Hanh died recently but he was a Vietnamese Buddhist monk that set up Plum Village Tradition, his version of Buddhism I guess.  Known as the 'father of mindfulness', not actually his idea as ancient thing but he led to it becoming popular worldwide.

Too clingy is not good, and no cling at all is not good either - you can lose people either way.  Staying in between is best.  

Being too selective means you might not find anyone that fits, and you might learn more about people and yourself from people different to yourself and who you might normally try and connect with.

I can relate somewhat as I've been too open and naive in the past and now feel I need to be more selective, but not too selective.

Twitter is good, you can find most autistic people by searching for #ActuallyAutistic which is used to indicate you are actually autistic, as people without autism tend to use #autism a lot such as health professionals or parents, and its hard to find autistic people that way.

A lot of young autistic people, so ideal for him.  Obviously not just UK autistic people, but plenty are.  I don't use Facebook and not a fan but I know there are autistic groups you can join.

It helped me to see other autistic people talking openly about autism and themselves, even if mostly younger than me.  I didn't join in first, but gradually started.

You can use search keywords to find autistic people into similar things, or with similar views.

You can follow autistic people and get updates from them on your feed - or go browsing.

You can also share your own things and put #ActuallyAutistic and other autistic people will come across it.

You also have autism advocates, talking about important autistic things and sharing advice.

I haven’t come across ‘The way out is in.’ How are you finding it? Something I should look into?

They don’t want to be in contact right now. I don’t know how long to leave before getting in touch. They have felt like someone I could be (and have at times been) close to, one in a very rare few, who have also been slipping away for various reasons. I know I’m too clingy, so I do need to be careful about that.

Yes, social media is a good place for potential connections. Definitely true about taking risks when reaching out - I’m very selective with who I think of as a friend, although that doesn’t always mean I get the depth of sharing right with everyone. Some people have suggested I’m too selective. Is any of that relatable?

Where are these social media places where autistic people can chat etc? My son is wanting to connect with other young autistic people and we’ve being trying to find good places to do this online. Any advice on this would be very welcome :) 

Where are these social media places where autistic people can chat etc? My son is wanting to connect with other young autistic people and we’ve being trying to find good places to do this online. Any advice on this would be very welcome :) 

Twitter is good, you can find most autistic people by searching for #ActuallyAutistic which is used to indicate you are actually autistic, as people without autism tend to use #autism a lot such as health professionals or parents, and its hard to find autistic people that way.

A lot of young autistic people, so ideal for him.  Obviously not just UK autistic people, but plenty are.  I don't use Facebook and not a fan but I know there are autistic groups you can join.

It helped me to see other autistic people talking openly about autism and themselves, even if mostly younger than me.  I didn't join in first, but gradually started.

You can use search keywords to find autistic people into similar things, or with similar views.

You can follow autistic people and get updates from them on your feed - or go browsing.

You can also share your own things and put #ActuallyAutistic and other autistic people will come across it.

You also have autism advocates, talking about important autistic things and sharing advice.