Keeping the house tidy

You really aren't alone: I'm dyspraxic rather than autistic or ADHD, but there are a lot of overlaps and I really struggle with this myself.  Totally relate to "bad enough to be a health hazard," at that.  In my case it is mostly down to processing and short term memory problems, but I also have physical problems.  Paper lists are useless - I always just lose them or forget to check them or forget where I got to in them or something.

I personally would say, forget other people.  Think in terms of what is actually causing you problems and what you actually need.  If that includes, "space friends are comfortable in so I can socialise," that is totally different from, "I have to keep this tidy because otherwise people will react negatively."

Having a diagnosis may help with that side of things, if you are happy to be open about it, because you can say, "I have X and I'm not quite coping at the moment."  That makes sense to most people.  It is totally fine not to want to be open about it too, but you can still remember that if they knew, they would get it!  There are some plain obnoxious judgemental people out there, but I think a lot of people are just bothered by things they have no explanation for.  A diagnosis may also tell you more about what type of thing is likely to work.

Some things that helped me are:

Julie Morgenstern's books, either as a full system, or for tips.  She is really good because she doesn't tell you how to live, but how to set up your own system for your own life.  If having one plate works, have one plate!  She also has good advice for how someone can assist someone else in setting up an organising system, so if you have a friend or relative who is sympathic and might help, you can ask them to read it and follow the advice while they help you sort things out.  It is usually much easier to keep clean than to get clean.

(Asking for appropriate help is a healthy way of taking responsibility, of putting yourself back in control of something which is out of control.  Our culture is really stupid to make out that it is a weakness.  I feel like that plenty of times, and feelings are just what they are.  However, properly, delegation - working out that you aren't the right person for a particular task and need someone else to be involved in some way - is one of the highest level skills there is).

Labels.  I have the most appalling short term memory imaginable.  I generally use chalkboard labels because I feel they look like something that belongs in a home.

Positivity.  I also try to focus on everything I've managed to tidy or clean.  This then leaves me feeling that I can do it, and I am coping, and that everything will be in order soon, rather than avoiding cleaning and so forth because I feel so overwhelmed.  Not everyone will have these thought patterns, but they can be a real barrier.

Routine.  If you can schedule a reasonably reliable 10-30 minutes every day to clean something, that helps.

Analysing.  What is it your brain actually does or doesn't do, which makes it difficult?  I have a lot of trouble remembering where I am in a process, and following it through to the end.  I have even worse problems with a diffuse task which doesn't have boundaries.  Brain-wise, I can manage the washing up much better than tidying up, because tidying up is so complicated.  I am still working on this, but I'm having a certain amount of success with delinating a task carefully: I'll spend ten minutes putting everything that has a home that isn't in it away.  Is the storage difficult for you physically or mentally, and if so, what would be better?  I found my clothes got an awful lot tidier when I started using baskets and pegs, rather than wardrobe and drawers!

Clutter spaces.  I am still working on this one, because by their nature, clutter spaces tend to get cluttered and I don't keep up with sorting them out.  But designating a shelf, or a box or a cupboard, or something, where you can dump anything which you don't know what to do with that moment, to be sorted properly later, does seem to help.  (A tip adapted from Julie Morgenstern when in a total mess, is to sort, or simply put, everything you aren't using daily into boxes, to bring back some sort of order.  Then take the boxes apart one by one, which often feels less daunting because it delinates the task).

Finally, in case it is relevant and you aren't already aware - it is possible you would be entitled to PIP (an benefit system allowance to pay for help for people with health conditions etc.).

You really aren't alone: I'm dyspraxic rather than autistic or ADHD, but there are a lot of overlaps and I really struggle with this myself.  Totally relate to "bad enough to be a health hazard," at that.  In my case it is mostly down to processing and short term memory problems, but I also have physical problems.  Paper lists are useless - I always just lose them or forget to check them or forget where I got to in them or something.

I personally would say, forget other people.  Think in terms of what is actually causing you problems and what you actually need.  If that includes, "space friends are comfortable in so I can socialise," that is totally different from, "I have to keep this tidy because otherwise people will react negatively."

Having a diagnosis may help with that side of things, if you are happy to be open about it, because you can say, "I have X and I'm not quite coping at the moment."  That makes sense to most people.  It is totally fine not to want to be open about it too, but you can still remember that if they knew, they would get it!  There are some plain obnoxious judgemental people out there, but I think a lot of people are just bothered by things they have no explanation for.  A diagnosis may also tell you more about what type of thing is likely to work.

Some things that helped me are:

Julie Morgenstern's books, either as a full system, or for tips.  She is really good because she doesn't tell you how to live, but how to set up your own system for your own life.  If having one plate works, have one plate!  She also has good advice for how someone can assist someone else in setting up an organising system, so if you have a friend or relative who is sympathic and might help, you can ask them to read it and follow the advice while they help you sort things out.  It is usually much easier to keep clean than to get clean.

(Asking for appropriate help is a healthy way of taking responsibility, of putting yourself back in control of something which is out of control.  Our culture is really stupid to make out that it is a weakness.  I feel like that plenty of times, and feelings are just what they are.  However, properly, delegation - working out that you aren't the right person for a particular task and need someone else to be involved in some way - is one of the highest level skills there is).

Labels.  I have the most appalling short term memory imaginable.  I generally use chalkboard labels because I feel they look like something that belongs in a home.

Positivity.  I also try to focus on everything I've managed to tidy or clean.  This then leaves me feeling that I can do it, and I am coping, and that everything will be in order soon, rather than avoiding cleaning and so forth because I feel so overwhelmed.  Not everyone will have these thought patterns, but they can be a real barrier.

Routine.  If you can schedule a reasonably reliable 10-30 minutes every day to clean something, that helps.

Analysing.  What is it your brain actually does or doesn't do, which makes it difficult?  I have a lot of trouble remembering where I am in a process, and following it through to the end.  I have even worse problems with a diffuse task which doesn't have boundaries.  Brain-wise, I can manage the washing up much better than tidying up, because tidying up is so complicated.  I am still working on this, but I'm having a certain amount of success with delinating a task carefully: I'll spend ten minutes putting everything that has a home that isn't in it away.  Is the storage difficult for you physically or mentally, and if so, what would be better?  I found my clothes got an awful lot tidier when I started using baskets and pegs, rather than wardrobe and drawers!

Clutter spaces.  I am still working on this one, because by their nature, clutter spaces tend to get cluttered and I don't keep up with sorting them out.  But designating a shelf, or a box or a cupboard, or something, where you can dump anything which you don't know what to do with that moment, to be sorted properly later, does seem to help.  (A tip adapted from Julie Morgenstern when in a total mess, is to sort, or simply put, everything you aren't using daily into boxes, to bring back some sort of order.  Then take the boxes apart one by one, which often feels less daunting because it delinates the task).

Finally, in case it is relevant and you aren't already aware - it is possible you would be entitled to PIP (an benefit system allowance to pay for help for people with health conditions etc.).