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Keeping the house tidy

lestrange

Hello everyone, 

I am 23, recently diagnosed with ASD and on the lengthy list for an ADHD assessment too. My whole life I have struggled with tidying and cleaning but recently it has really been getting to me. In my teen years when I first had my own place I feel like it was deemed acceptable to have a messy flat, because that's just 'being a teenager' but as I've got older I have started noticing peoples negative reactions more. 

I live alone and allow my flat to get so cluttered and filthy it is probably deemed a health hazard. I have tried so many things to try and stay on top of it all such as making lists, just doing one small thing at a time, I've even got to the point before where I have binned all my plates and cutlery and just started again with only one plate so I HAVE to clean it. This whole situation is really affecting my mental health as I am reluctant to invite people over in fear of what they'll say, I don't eat a good diet because cooking means washing up, the environment is overwhelming and stressful because of all the mess. I really want to be able to keep a tidy house, my brain just doesn't allow me. So far the only thing that gets me to clean is when the landlady sends someone over to service the boiler or a guy comes over for a bit of fun, but even then I only do the rooms that they will be in, and not to a great standard. Unfortunately I cannot afford to hire a cleaner, so I wondered if any of you have any better suggestions? Or at least similar stories so I feel less alone and ashamed. 

Parents

  • Hi - your ‘one plate’ idea really made me laugh! I can relate to your issues with this! Me, my husband and my youngest son are all autistic and we are all pretty terrible in this respect! My husband thank goodness takes on the task of washing up - which I am eternally grateful for as I hate dirty crockery and the smell of used crockery  and washing up liquid - I find it completely disgusting. We have a small house and I collect various things so we have more things in our house than we should in such a small house. Consequently it’s hard to clean and keep tidy. And anyway I find it hard to motivate myself to do it  - and then it becomes overwhelming as it becomes more of a task the longer you leave it. My youngest son is very untidy - and I cannot motivate him to tidy up his room. He is depressed though so it’s a bit of a vicious circle. I try gentle persuasion but don’t want to pressure him as he is feeling very vulnerable at the moment. And anyway I would be a hypocrite as I struggle with this too! I think your idea of picking a small area and just doing that is the best idea - so as the task doesn’t seem too overwhelming. It’s no easy though and I do empathise. My mother’s house was always immaculately clean and tidy - I’m nothing like her! However my husband’s mother was a hoarder (to an extreme degree) so at least she made me feel better that our house was a bit of an untidy mess! Sadly she died recently. I really miss her - she was a lovely person. An tidy house is not that important - being a good person is what matters.

    like you we have a good clear up if someone is coming to the house - but to be honest I don’t like people coming to the house if I can avoid it! 

Reply

  • Hi - your ‘one plate’ idea really made me laugh! I can relate to your issues with this! Me, my husband and my youngest son are all autistic and we are all pretty terrible in this respect! My husband thank goodness takes on the task of washing up - which I am eternally grateful for as I hate dirty crockery and the smell of used crockery  and washing up liquid - I find it completely disgusting. We have a small house and I collect various things so we have more things in our house than we should in such a small house. Consequently it’s hard to clean and keep tidy. And anyway I find it hard to motivate myself to do it  - and then it becomes overwhelming as it becomes more of a task the longer you leave it. My youngest son is very untidy - and I cannot motivate him to tidy up his room. He is depressed though so it’s a bit of a vicious circle. I try gentle persuasion but don’t want to pressure him as he is feeling very vulnerable at the moment. And anyway I would be a hypocrite as I struggle with this too! I think your idea of picking a small area and just doing that is the best idea - so as the task doesn’t seem too overwhelming. It’s no easy though and I do empathise. My mother’s house was always immaculately clean and tidy - I’m nothing like her! However my husband’s mother was a hoarder (to an extreme degree) so at least she made me feel better that our house was a bit of an untidy mess! Sadly she died recently. I really miss her - she was a lovely person. An tidy house is not that important - being a good person is what matters.

    like you we have a good clear up if someone is coming to the house - but to be honest I don’t like people coming to the house if I can avoid it! 

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