Advice / Books for Expectant Father with ASD

Ahhh..sounds like my feeling for my son

I am autistic and the father of two neurodivergent children (ADHD and ASC). I found that things happened quite naturally, I went to all the anti-natal classes and during labour I acted as a sort of cheerleader for my wife, as the midwife was a little distant. I cut the umbilical cord - I am not squeamish at all. There is an important difference between being a mother and being a father, the mother builds a relationship with the unborn that is unavailable to the father. As a result, you go into hospital with just your wife, who has a bump, and leave it with your wife and a brand new human being. So the bonding process is different. After the birth of my eldest my wife was taken off to have a shower and I was left alone with my new daughter. She was sleeping and I fell in love with her, it was a physical feeling like something opening inside my chest. After that, I knew I could be a father.

Thank you!  I can understand about it being hard to reach out and admit your in trouble, I have the same problem. I'm not sure about where to get support from other dads, I am still trying to find that myslef. 
Im always here to chat if you need a fellow dad to talk to!

Thank you Dawn. Also great advice there. I really appreciate it!

If your wife is on the journey with you, she will get it.

I'm autistic and I am a parent; my son is the light of my life. Just be open with your kid. Tell them you love them and are trying to 'get' them. If they are neuro typical they will respect that. If they are autistic too, they will respect that. If they are autistic too, there ain't no better father than you, 'cos you will understand and have their back.

And congratulations btw. All the best to you and your wife. ;-)

Hey Billy,

Thanks for your messages. Congratulations and beat wishes for your second child. 

I really appreciate the advice. 

So you have any advice for getting help from other men / dads / parents. 

I'm trying to build my support network and I'm historically not good at reaching out for help. This is because I don't always know I'm in trouble and because I struggle to communicate about personal issues. 

I agreed with my counsellor today that I just need to bite the bullet and speak to my friends and family about my support needs, being as direct and clear as possible. 

I have spent a lot of time off work sick due not being able to cope in a non-autistic world too so I really understand that 

Hi J, I understand how you are feeling. I am a father with ASD. I had my son before I found out I was ASD, I found out when he was about 11 months old. He is now 2 and a half and me and my wife have another baby on the way which is wonderful but terrifying!
I struggled terribly with becoming a father. Even though I didn't know I had ASD I knew I had something, if that makes sense, and I was so scared about not being good enough to look after my kid. I still worry myself sick about that now.

What I would say to you first of all is, trust yourself. You are way better than you think you are. We live in a world that makes us autistic people think we are incabable but we are not, we are just as strong and capable as anyone else. Actually, we are stronger because we have to deal with a world that is not designed for us. Everyone else is living in a world designed for them so it's easier for them. The fact that you are sitting here worried about being a good dad shows that you will be because you care. Just trust your instincts and it will be ok.

Also, don't try to be the perfect parent. I tried to be the perfect parent when my son was born and it did no good. Just be yourself and thats what your child will love