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Social Skills

ScienceTony

Hi,

I have noticed people calling each other 'darling' or 'lovey' at work.  This is always a risky think to do as it is not a sign of acceptance.  I have noticed that some people see this as a sign of acceptance, but it is, in fact, a sign of affection. 

This type of affection is shown to to romantic partners and children because they tend to need it.  You wouldn't call someone at work 'darling' unless you had little understanding of the meaning.  This is how people can get into trouble at work.  Some people with ASD copy the behaviours of others. They then see others calling each other 'darling' or 'babe' and then they copy.  However, without knowing the social context, this can be very risky in that it is likely to cause offence in others.  The safest thing thing to do is to call people by their name.

Do you find social situations difficult?  If so, what part of it do you find difficult?

Parents

  • I can't imagine ever presuming to do that - even 'mate' or something always feels like a forced affectation. I don't mind it in other people (unless I witness a woman being patronisingly callyed 'luv' or something, usually by a bloke) as they seem to know what they're doing and to have a more innate confidence about when it's boundary-appropriate. 

    The 'darling' thing is used ironically a lot in the acting profesion I notice. That's a long-standing one, and can be quite funny as there's a real sense of tongue in cheek about it. It's usually more of a 'daaaaaaarling' there, so you know it's being over-sold on purpose as a way of saying 'let's not take our 'luvvie status too seriously here'. But in most other contexts, it's a bit perplexing. 

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  • I can't imagine ever presuming to do that - even 'mate' or something always feels like a forced affectation. I don't mind it in other people (unless I witness a woman being patronisingly callyed 'luv' or something, usually by a bloke) as they seem to know what they're doing and to have a more innate confidence about when it's boundary-appropriate. 

    The 'darling' thing is used ironically a lot in the acting profesion I notice. That's a long-standing one, and can be quite funny as there's a real sense of tongue in cheek about it. It's usually more of a 'daaaaaaarling' there, so you know it's being over-sold on purpose as a way of saying 'let's not take our 'luvvie status too seriously here'. But in most other contexts, it's a bit perplexing. 

Children
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