Getting up late

I had to spend a couple of years there back living with parents in my forties whike I saved up for a new place, and as grateful as I was for that, and as supportive as they were, it's hard not to let old patterns from yesteryear take hold. On both sides. My dad in particular would never miss a chance to point out if I was running 'late' (even though I've explained countless times that my start time and corresponding end time can be a little flexible) - looking in mock astonishement at the clock and saying 'You're leaving... now?' It would always make me feel like I was an adolescent disappointing a parent, rather than one of three adults sharing a living space. Thankfully it wasn't that kind of vibe 24/7, but I'm not a morning person so choosing that moment to do the 'you're late' routine had me on my last nerve even starting the day, and quite needlessly. But we are who we are, and I know that my appearance of disorganisation probably sincerly got on my dad's wick to the point where he couldn't help himself. 

Since last August, I have my own place. I have drifted into following my own biorhythms, so am fairly nocturnal, will sleep in on a day off work, or will lie on for as long as I can get away with on an actual working day. This feels more in tune with my authentic self - I'm no longer required to observe the lights-out-by-midnight routine that wasn't exactly enforced but basically expected at home. And having my own very bespoke morning routine uncompromised by comments, local radio turned up too high in the background, etc. is something I will never take for granted. My parents are great, but I think I just need solitude and flexibility in the mornings to function. And now, for the first time in a good while, I have that aagin. Please keep the faith about that moving date, Trilby. It will happen. 

And in the meantime, try to take the good out of your situation - easy for me to say now I'm out of it I know! In some ways it's a precious gift to get to spend more of life with your parents than many others get the chance to. Of course, a healthy balance is good too! And knowing there's an end-point makes it psychologically easier to bear. 

Also, having recently found out that 20% of 'high functioning' autistic people are in full-time ongoing work (I'm in that minority too), it helped me appreciate that I'm not an underachiever (always a relative term anyway) but amd actually doing pretty well. Same goes for you - you're holding down a job with relatively minimal adjustments to help you fuction at your best in it. It's a really positive situation, so don't let yourself or your job feel diminished by a raised eyebrow or comment about how it accomodates you to your/its mutual benefit. 

Not sure how helpful those musings are, but you did say it was mostly about not feeling alone so I hope I've helped a tiny bit. 

I had to spend a couple of years there back living with parents in my forties whike I saved up for a new place, and as grateful as I was for that, and as supportive as they were, it's hard not to let old patterns from yesteryear take hold. On both sides. My dad in particular would never miss a chance to point out if I was running 'late' (even though I've explained countless times that my start time and corresponding end time can be a little flexible) - looking in mock astonishement at the clock and saying 'You're leaving... now?' It would always make me feel like I was an adolescent disappointing a parent, rather than one of three adults sharing a living space. Thankfully it wasn't that kind of vibe 24/7, but I'm not a morning person so choosing that moment to do the 'you're late' routine had me on my last nerve even starting the day, and quite needlessly. But we are who we are, and I know that my appearance of disorganisation probably sincerly got on my dad's wick to the point where he couldn't help himself. 

Since last August, I have my own place. I have drifted into following my own biorhythms, so am fairly nocturnal, will sleep in on a day off work, or will lie on for as long as I can get away with on an actual working day. This feels more in tune with my authentic self - I'm no longer required to observe the lights-out-by-midnight routine that wasn't exactly enforced but basically expected at home. And having my own very bespoke morning routine uncompromised by comments, local radio turned up too high in the background, etc. is something I will never take for granted. My parents are great, but I think I just need solitude and flexibility in the mornings to function. And now, for the first time in a good while, I have that aagin. Please keep the faith about that moving date, Trilby. It will happen. 

And in the meantime, try to take the good out of your situation - easy for me to say now I'm out of it I know! In some ways it's a precious gift to get to spend more of life with your parents than many others get the chance to. Of course, a healthy balance is good too! And knowing there's an end-point makes it psychologically easier to bear. 

Also, having recently found out that 20% of 'high functioning' autistic people are in full-time ongoing work (I'm in that minority too), it helped me appreciate that I'm not an underachiever (always a relative term anyway) but amd actually doing pretty well. Same goes for you - you're holding down a job with relatively minimal adjustments to help you fuction at your best in it. It's a really positive situation, so don't let yourself or your job feel diminished by a raised eyebrow or comment about how it accomodates you to your/its mutual benefit. 

Not sure how helpful those musings are, but you did say it was mostly about not feeling alone so I hope I've helped a tiny bit. 

Thank you Shardovan, that is exactly what I needed to hear! Your situation does sound extremely like mine.  I will try and keep the positives in mind and hold on to moving day! In the meantime I'll keep coming back to your lovely message.

I'm so pleased you have managed to be in your own space again, and you're completely right about us doing pretty well!