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No diagnosis but after some help and advice

JP87

Hi every one,

I've not had any diagnoses or seen any doctors but after some advice from people who maybe able to help.

My question is with relationships, I've been with my husband now for 8 years and I feel really bad as I think he feels I don't live him which I really do, he just says I'm not very affectionate, which I know I'm not.

Maybe at the start of our relationship I was more loving and normal I suppose you could say but now further down the line Im just not like that and he doesn't understand why, I always tell him I don't need all that cuddling/kissing, that isn't what a relationship is too me, but to him it's a big thing, but it just makes me feel uncomfortable although I do love him to bits.

Although I can be totally different with my 2 year old. 

I also find I can struggle with my moods and take this out with him, I just always feel so drained, to which I did have some meds for this last year which seemed to help after having a baby through lockdown got me at rock bottom. 

I never thought of anything along this line of diagnoses, untill my mom mentioned it too me. I'm not saying this is what it is but just looking for others experience to see if I'm not the only one out here like this. And wether it is something that I should maybe see the doctors about possibly?

Thank you all for listening, I'm very greatful of any advice any one can give.

Parents

  • Autistic people can have difficulty maintaining high levels of affection and loving feedback that a non-autistic people usually need in a relationship, and may find their own realistic level or ways of showing their continued love.  This could be undying loyalty, or less touchy feeling ways as you have said, or other ways, but those may not be enough or confusing for non-autistic people, or may be expected as just basic requirements and not valued as intended.  They may not want to adjust their expectations, and that can make it difficult long-term.

    My last partner said I was really loving at the start and then started to stop loving, it wasn't the same reason as you it was circumstances and my own difficulties, but I still loved her the same deep down.  I explained why to her, but she didn't accept it or believe me and it was more difficult then.

    Aspergers in Love, by Maxine Aston is a great book that explains what can happen in relationships with autistic people.  I think its in there that there is a quote from an autistic man that told his partner that he loved her, once, and didn't again because he felt he didn't need to keep saying it because it was implied by staying with her.

    Not managing moods/feelings well could be a sign of autism.

    It would be worth looking back over your life and think of any difficulties you know about or things people have said, your mum might have a good idea so see if she has an examples when you were younger.  Autism can be more obvious in children because they haven't yet learnt to mask their behaviour to fit in, or learnt to manage better.

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  • Autistic people can have difficulty maintaining high levels of affection and loving feedback that a non-autistic people usually need in a relationship, and may find their own realistic level or ways of showing their continued love.  This could be undying loyalty, or less touchy feeling ways as you have said, or other ways, but those may not be enough or confusing for non-autistic people, or may be expected as just basic requirements and not valued as intended.  They may not want to adjust their expectations, and that can make it difficult long-term.

    My last partner said I was really loving at the start and then started to stop loving, it wasn't the same reason as you it was circumstances and my own difficulties, but I still loved her the same deep down.  I explained why to her, but she didn't accept it or believe me and it was more difficult then.

    Aspergers in Love, by Maxine Aston is a great book that explains what can happen in relationships with autistic people.  I think its in there that there is a quote from an autistic man that told his partner that he loved her, once, and didn't again because he felt he didn't need to keep saying it because it was implied by staying with her.

    Not managing moods/feelings well could be a sign of autism.

    It would be worth looking back over your life and think of any difficulties you know about or things people have said, your mum might have a good idea so see if she has an examples when you were younger.  Autism can be more obvious in children because they haven't yet learnt to mask their behaviour to fit in, or learnt to manage better.

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