No diagnosis but after some help and advice

I think in the past I have tended to go along with the amount of affection that is given, and just put up with it. However, I prefer not to do it. Hand holding and cuddling is not my thing. And also, it varies with the person I’m in the relationship with. Throughout my marriage I didn’t want to be cuddly or affectionate with my ex husband. With my recent ex, who I was with for 2.5 years, I was more spontaneous with affection, and I enjoyed it in certain incidences, but still it wasn’t much compared to a typical couple. Even sitting too close for too long on the sofa wasn’t nice.

Regarding my children, I was more hands on with them. It felt natural to hold them and nurture them.  But as they are almost 18 and 27 now, it is a struggle. I want to hug them, but can’t. They have to hug me, and I am still awkward and still. They understand though. I’m still trying to find out what it is that makes me feel weird. I know that a hug must be tight, and if the arms are long, all the better. Small arms don’t go all the way round, and sort of hover on my back. Not good lol.

Regarding ASD, it’s worth saying other things can mimic some of the traits. You need to do some sound searching. Look at your childhood. Think about stims you might have and have suppressed…or hobbies that you have been mad over… 

Autism can take a back seat in some people, and deficits might not show as brightly as some others. I don’t think the AQ is something to worry about. If you score above the cut off, and suspect you might be Autistic compile some reasons why, and take it to your GP, or talk it through with a private psychologist, to see if it’s worth being assessed.

Catlover) thank you for your reply. Your sumituations with relationships sound alot like how I amand feel, and I've always been like that no matter who I've been with.

When you say stims what do you mean by that sorry. 

Any self regulatory behaviour. I pick the skin on my fingers and bite it to self soothe or when relaxing.

I rub my thighs with very firm pressure when seated on the sofa. 

I sometimes rock slightly side to side when deep in thought or when on the phone for extended periods.

I twirl the curls in my hair between my finger and thumb.

Any action that you do to calm yourself, or make yourself relaxed etc…. You might not realise these things right away.

Any self regulatory behaviour. I pick the skin on my fingers and bite it to self soothe or when relaxing.

I rub my thighs with very firm pressure when seated on the sofa. 

I sometimes rock slightly side to side when deep in thought or when on the phone for extended periods.

I twirl the curls in my hair between my finger and thumb.

Any action that you do to calm yourself, or make yourself relaxed etc…. You might not realise these things right away.

I am terrible for picking or chewing the skin on my fingers, definitely when I'm relaxing or when I feel myself getting anxious. 

I have had cbt for ocd, chevking plugs, handles switches.

And I'm not really one for sitting still for too long. 

So possibly those