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Unexpected & Unplanned

NAS75473

Hi, 

I'm looking for some advise on how to deal with a situation I'm in, I really struggle when things are not planned or even sometimes if they are planned it can be difficult. 

So the other day my in laws decided to just turn up at my house whilst my partner was out, nothing was planned. I said you can't turn up like this without planning it in advance they said don't be stupid and preceded to enter my house they brought there 2 dogs and my partner arrived shortly after. They are aware of my needs but seem to ignore them my issue is they've since been talking behind my back to my partner saying that they don't want to talk to me again as I'm rude and they seem to think you shouldnt have to make an appointment or plan to come and see us. This whole situation has been causing me anxiety and having been able to focus. 

I've tried reaching out to them explaining my situation and they are not interested unless I apologies the problem is this may and probably will happen again as 99% of my days are planned and routine so apologing may fix it now but not in the future

What would be your advice to approach this situation? and how to respond? 

To add I am not good speaking to people direct I usually need someone on behalf like my partner although she doesn't want to. 

Parents

  • Hi there, I feel your anguish. You are able to express yourself well in writing, is this an option to communicate with your in-laws? Explain the issue and how makes you feel in a letter or email. This is very powerful when in written form as they can't ignore it as easily. It sounds like good old fashioned ignorance on their part, even rudeness. Your home, even if it is shared, is your sanctuary and this needs respecting. Your partner really needs to step up here, she cannot sit back and allow this to happen if she really has your back. She needs to rethink her priorities. I would suggest that you outline clearly what you are comfortable with for visiting, be clear and firm about the arrangements. It takes two parties to build a relationship and they should be doing all they can to support you and their daughter. Best wishes.

  • in reply to Oscie

    Thanks for your input and everyone, it's much appreciated and helps me. 

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