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Parent thinking autism is "an excuse"

Ann :)

I am currently waiting for an autism assessment as it was recently suggested that it is likely that I am on the ADS. This has been a huge revelation and so much of it resonates with me and it would make so much sense. My mum has been very understanding (and is starting to think that she is probably also autistic- I agree...). I also mentioned the possibility to my dad (my parents are divorced). Yesterday I talked to my dad on the phone as I wanted to get his advice on a difficult situation I am in... instead my dad got very mad at me saying that I was just using the autism label as an excuse to not sort out my life and to hide behind. I felt extremely misunderstood as I have been trying so hard for years and as I am really struggling at the moment.  Has anyone else experienced this reaction from people? I have very low confidence anyways at the moment and it is not helped by the fact that I am not formally diagnosed yet (and of course I have my own fears that I could be label seeking ). Realising that I am probably autistic has been a huge revelation and relief for me... and it is helping me understand my patterns and myself and also to accept myself more... I am struggling with burnout at the moment and my dad's comments yesterday really pulled me down.

Parents

  • The BIG WIN for me was realising that as an Autist far from having a "poor character" and "doing things wrong", I have been struggling against a hidden disability for decades, often with more than a modicum of grace.  

    Although there was a sense of "Oh Crap, I am stuck with this and IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER" After the initial shock wore off, the world started making a hell of a lot more sense and I could see my own strengths and weaknesses in sharp relief now, as well as those of the people around me..

    I have in fact (I can now see) weathered a perfect storm of having really rubbish family, Undiagnosed Autism with an ADHD flavour, and quite a lot of "luck" both good and bad to further confuse the picture.

    I had a Dr Tell me about 30 years back that many people with my start on life fall into criminality or other self harming /damaging behaviours and I (largely) did not. I was very depressed and cynical at the time and assumed he was just trying to cheer me up, but I've heard it again since, and it would seem to be the truth, I am a high achiever and not a complete "waster".

    As for the other people in my life, who already loved me despite my limitations, it makes my little quirks much more legitimate and easy for them to accept. and when the Mrs starts ragging on me for forgetting to close the door, which she was building up nicely into a real point of contention at one point, the phrase; "I'm really sorry, but you know there's no point in getting upset about my obvious limitations. I offered you your chance to get rid of me when I initially realised I'd mis-represented myself as a normie".

    "You didn't take it then, so you're stuck with it as much as I am".

    It's actually seemed to reduce her overall aggravation. More to the point, now I can clearly see (and legitimately accept) that I have some serious social deficits, I can make allowances for myself as I do for her little foibles that she has no idea that she has. (Normies SO lack self awareness, and she currently identifies as one). 

    I am just SO glad to know what I am and have the learning expererience here, and elsewhere.

    I am no longer a "stranger to myself". More to the point I now have two new powerful "weapons" at my disposal and I like weilding power! 

    1. I'm an autist I really cover the ground and obtain insight in a way that most normies can only dream about. And some of them know that and seek my kind out for the most interesting and lucrative of work.

    2. Bullies can no longer really back me into a corner and upset me, because I can literally "play the autism card" at any time...

    I am currently staring at great success in life, square in it's scary face, but it's only because I know who and what I am now, that I can fully understand my current situation. 

    AND when I start to "spaz out" I can recognise the symptoms earlier, and try to minimise my exposure to other people, or expressing myself poorly in public. 

    I still have the odd "awful day", bu they are way more endurable, and sometimes I really can just sit back and laugh about it, which I could never do before my diagnosis...

  • in reply to I Sperg

    A wonderful and insightful summary of your experiences ... thankyou and l can relate to many of your points. 

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