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Mediation - I am autistic and wanting to support my family

OutwardBoundBob

Hi,

I'm wondering if anyone can help. I'm exceptionally stressed about trying to support my brother through mediation. My brother is a loving dad and started his child mediation as he was in a very emotionally abusive relationship with his ex-partner. I've tried to find some mediation specific support groups but have found nothing out there. I wondered if anyone had any knowledge regarding this subject. 

Specifically I wanted to know if professional mediators are aware and can identify lying in sessions. My brothers ex-partner was reluctant to go through mediation but unless she wanted to prevent him going to court she has agreed. She is very manipulative and has been telling many lies to the mediator since the sessions began. I find it hard to detect liars but from mutual friends, the conversations that I have had with my brother and the abusive 'paper trail' she has left I have a thorough understanding of what is going on. All my brother wants (as we do as a family) is that his son, my nephew, has the most stable upbringing possible. We also want the emotional and abusive behaviour of my brothers ex to cease. In his documentation that he has prepared for the mediation process he has also stipulated that any contact between himself and his ex will be through a third-party unless there are extraneous circumstances.

I am finding this exceptionally hard and stressful. All I want is for my nephew and brother to be happy. Just to add that my brother isn't seeking to 'gain' custody of his son.

Any advice would be welcome. Thank you.

Parents

  • I'm autistic and I've been in your brother's position, although mercifully, I had residency for my son and was therefore in a stronger position to protect him.

    It was many years ago now, but I don't recall that there was a choice of mediators. They were appointed by the court albeit people could avoid the courts by going to them beforehand. Things might have changed now. I don't know. Can the courts point you in the right direction for the mediation services they use?

    I don't know that there are any support groups. My support was my solicitor and my friends. There are groups to support Dads with access and care issues though, I think Father's for Justice might be one, but I don't know what they are like.

    If it's any consolation, I was very worried throughout that the courts would believe my manipulative ex, but my solicitor assured me the court would see through him. They did. His own solicitor was trying to shut him up at times.

  • in reply to Dawn

    Thanks Dawn. I'm sorry that you had to endure an abusive relationship but glad that you were able to protect your son. My brother initiated the mediation sessions having had a meeting with a solicitor. My brother was able to show some of the hundreds of paper trail emails and texts that he had received from his ex, so that was good. He didn't want to go straight to court, hence mediation. I'm glad that your solicitor was able to assure you that the courts would see past the lies.

    Until I had evidence shown to me, I was unable to see the lies, manipulation and abuse that was going on around me, I suspect that was because I was unable to understand or interpret the concept that because someone (his ex) seems to be civilised when on public display that it doesn't mean things can be quite the reverse behind 'closed doors'. I shall have a look at the Father's for Justice website.

    I very much hope that my young nephew doesn't see that manipulative, abusive and lying behaviour is acceptable. He is a lovely little boy. Many thanks for your reply, it has reassured me that professionals are able to see beyond lying behaviour.

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  • in reply to Dawn

    Thanks Dawn. I'm sorry that you had to endure an abusive relationship but glad that you were able to protect your son. My brother initiated the mediation sessions having had a meeting with a solicitor. My brother was able to show some of the hundreds of paper trail emails and texts that he had received from his ex, so that was good. He didn't want to go straight to court, hence mediation. I'm glad that your solicitor was able to assure you that the courts would see past the lies.

    Until I had evidence shown to me, I was unable to see the lies, manipulation and abuse that was going on around me, I suspect that was because I was unable to understand or interpret the concept that because someone (his ex) seems to be civilised when on public display that it doesn't mean things can be quite the reverse behind 'closed doors'. I shall have a look at the Father's for Justice website.

    I very much hope that my young nephew doesn't see that manipulative, abusive and lying behaviour is acceptable. He is a lovely little boy. Many thanks for your reply, it has reassured me that professionals are able to see beyond lying behaviour.

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