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Mediation - I am autistic and wanting to support my family

OutwardBoundBob

Hi,

I'm wondering if anyone can help. I'm exceptionally stressed about trying to support my brother through mediation. My brother is a loving dad and started his child mediation as he was in a very emotionally abusive relationship with his ex-partner. I've tried to find some mediation specific support groups but have found nothing out there. I wondered if anyone had any knowledge regarding this subject. 

Specifically I wanted to know if professional mediators are aware and can identify lying in sessions. My brothers ex-partner was reluctant to go through mediation but unless she wanted to prevent him going to court she has agreed. She is very manipulative and has been telling many lies to the mediator since the sessions began. I find it hard to detect liars but from mutual friends, the conversations that I have had with my brother and the abusive 'paper trail' she has left I have a thorough understanding of what is going on. All my brother wants (as we do as a family) is that his son, my nephew, has the most stable upbringing possible. We also want the emotional and abusive behaviour of my brothers ex to cease. In his documentation that he has prepared for the mediation process he has also stipulated that any contact between himself and his ex will be through a third-party unless there are extraneous circumstances.

I am finding this exceptionally hard and stressful. All I want is for my nephew and brother to be happy. Just to add that my brother isn't seeking to 'gain' custody of his son.

Any advice would be welcome. Thank you.

Parents

  • I can't provide the answer you are looking for as I haven't been through mediation, though in hindsight should have, however I'm sure mediators are well aware of behaviours and tactics used.  All he can do is present his side and any evidence of her behaviour, and arrange the third-party access. They can't know the truth on either side, as they don't know anyone involved, but other things/behaviour might raise a red flag.  Focus on the third-party access, that is the best way forward.

  • in reply to Autimator

    Thank you very much. having thought about it some more I came to the conclusion that if I can't detect a liar by recognising certain body or facial indications it doesn't necessarily mean that other people can't detect these in a person. I have to rely on any evidence I'm shown to detect the lying. I suppose my lack of 'reading' a persons face may be due to my autism. Thank you for the reassurance and yes I shall try and focus on the third-party access.

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  • in reply to Autimator

    Thank you very much. having thought about it some more I came to the conclusion that if I can't detect a liar by recognising certain body or facial indications it doesn't necessarily mean that other people can't detect these in a person. I have to rely on any evidence I'm shown to detect the lying. I suppose my lack of 'reading' a persons face may be due to my autism. Thank you for the reassurance and yes I shall try and focus on the third-party access.

Children