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Dating someone with autism

Pk007

Hello- I find myself here so that I can hopefully become a better partner. I recently started seeing someone who disclosed that he has autism. I feel completely lost at what to say, do or ask. I want to be supportive but I’m so afraid of accidentally hurting. I made a brief comment that I intended to be very supportive in saying I have friends with autism, and my original intent in getting my degree was to provide support to those with developmental delays, especially those with autism. My phrasing must have been all wrong because he became very upset with me and said I sounded condescending and predatory. I by no means believe that i must “fix” him. If anything I feel I have so much to learn from him! I don’t want to risk saying something harmful again. I’m open to ANY advice or suggestions! Thank you! K

Parents

  • I have to admit, I'd have been pretty offended if you'd called my autism a "developmental delay" too!  I've got this far through life quite successfully without any "support" (have a degree, married, have a professional career, built a house, have a child).  But speaking as an autistic woman with an autistic husband, I do sometimes think life might be a bit easier if we had a neurotypical in the household, so he's lucky to have you.  And it's time I did seek some support, which is what I'm working on.

    Relationship advice isn't my bag, I'm afraid - I hope others can help you with that.  Personally I would love to be studied and learnt from, but I know not everyone feels that way.

  • in reply to Purple

    To you and others- I’m sorry. I should have also said in my post that I feel terrible for using the words that I did. I did not mean to suggest anyone was “delayed” or imply anyone is not where they should be, not independent, or not capable. I’m still learning and a big take away for me is to be more cautious with my words.

  • in reply to Pk007

    I think your attitude is brilliant; I hope it works out for you both!

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