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Dating someone with autism

Pk007

Hello- I find myself here so that I can hopefully become a better partner. I recently started seeing someone who disclosed that he has autism. I feel completely lost at what to say, do or ask. I want to be supportive but I’m so afraid of accidentally hurting. I made a brief comment that I intended to be very supportive in saying I have friends with autism, and my original intent in getting my degree was to provide support to those with developmental delays, especially those with autism. My phrasing must have been all wrong because he became very upset with me and said I sounded condescending and predatory. I by no means believe that i must “fix” him. If anything I feel I have so much to learn from him! I don’t want to risk saying something harmful again. I’m open to ANY advice or suggestions! Thank you! K

Parents

  • It might be worth asking how autism impacts him, as all autistic people are different. Autism is a spectrum condition caused by neurodevelopmental divergencies from the neurotypical. It is not a mental illness, nor does it indicate, by itself, any learning or intellectual disability (though some autistics also have these as 'comorbidities'). Only once you have found out how autism affects your partner will you be able to offer appropriate support. My wife is neurotypical and she knows that I have a finite tolerance of noisy family gatherings, and appreciates that when I say I need to get away, that I have to do just that. On holidays, while I enjoy swimming, I hate beaches and the feeling of sand under my feet. Therefore, she will go to the beach, I will pop down after a while and sit under a sunshade and read, then I will go in for a swim and, once out, will go straight back to the hotel. She understands my sensory problems with sand and is fine with my limited desire to be on the beach.

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  • It might be worth asking how autism impacts him, as all autistic people are different. Autism is a spectrum condition caused by neurodevelopmental divergencies from the neurotypical. It is not a mental illness, nor does it indicate, by itself, any learning or intellectual disability (though some autistics also have these as 'comorbidities'). Only once you have found out how autism affects your partner will you be able to offer appropriate support. My wife is neurotypical and she knows that I have a finite tolerance of noisy family gatherings, and appreciates that when I say I need to get away, that I have to do just that. On holidays, while I enjoy swimming, I hate beaches and the feeling of sand under my feet. Therefore, she will go to the beach, I will pop down after a while and sit under a sunshade and read, then I will go in for a swim and, once out, will go straight back to the hotel. She understands my sensory problems with sand and is fine with my limited desire to be on the beach.

Children
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