On a 2 years waiting list for a diagnosis.

Thanks for such an in-depth response. I did the aq10 nhs questionnaire and that's really what set the ball going as i answered all 10 with the answer of autism. I also have a care coordinator who pinpointed to me that she sees the signs of autism in me due to how i react.

I cannot afford private help. I just don't have any savings nor am i rich really. My benefits keep me alive.

The book sounds kind of useful. Its annoying that there is a book on ebay which is PTSD on the autism spectrum but it's £15. I can't seem to justify paying for it. The stupid thing is i can afford that but something in me just says that the sellers are being greedy. 

39 is a late diagnosis so i don't feel alone there. I

I'm sorry about your dad. 

I hope one day i can find work where i feel understood, don't have to travel far as i don't have a car and feel safe. It seems unlikely though. 

I understand not wanting to pay for the book.  To my husband's horror, I once waited months before buying something online because the price went up a few pence.  So don't feel bad about £15, my husband would understand you better than he understood me at that point, and I'm sure a lot of others would too!

Do you have access to a library?  That might be a way of finding some good resources, and if you can't find anything on the shelves, the library might be able to order a book in for you.  I do recommend the book I read, I've got 2 books on autism and that was the one I felt was the most useful for me.

If you can find a job working from home (not all the rage yet but its getting there) that might help with your anxiety, it certainly helps me.  Even if you went for a job that was office based, if you can prove you can do it just as well from home, and have recommendations to back up home working, that could be a way for you.  Although granted you are probably going to need that diagnosis first, but its something to keep in mind.

Best of luck

yeah. my mind is weird with rationalizing getting help for myself lol. our local library is closed alot and very, very small so i don't think there would be anything related to autism but i have thought about it quite a bit for a while now. for now i have been doing online courses to avoiding thinking about the grief of my stepdad to be honest.  employment mentality wise scares me alot. but i recently got accepted to do a free level 3 course in autism so that is my learning resource lately as i had passed the level 2 course a fortnight ago. 

Well you do respond very in depth. I'm not religious either nor do i really understand it if I'm being honest. Have also seen things throughout the years but it wasn't just about him. Tarots can be interesting but they can also be a manipulative con so i guess it all depends on our interepration but who knows really. We do anything for comfort as nothing ever fulfills the gap without

Oh sorry to hear those waiting lists are as far away as they are but every day is one step closer, you'll get there

I used to be the biggest skeptic ever on things paranormal and such, until I experienced my own things.  I'm not religious, but I believe there is some kind of life after death.  When my dad died, I saw him before I knew anything was wrong, I guess he was trying to say goodbye.  Couldn't make any sense of it at the time.  I did a past life regression out of curiousity the one time in 2019, I was off work with depression going on 3 months at this point, and it was the best thing I ever did.  I was highly skeptical, didn't think I would be hypnotised, still not convinced I was, but I started to just go with the flow with the images in my head.  I saw myself as a soldier in a full suit of armour (figured this out by looking at my feet).  I was in a marsh area, I was injured, didn't have long to live, and I was near a tree that was giving me a very bad vibe (think it had been used for hangings) but I needed to get to it.  So I got to it, and I "died" which was a release of life, and as I went upwards the tree blossomed in light, it was so beautiful, and I saw other lights shoot upwards which I kind of thought were other souls being released.  And then I was in this golden light, and it was so peaceful, it was just calm, and still, and warm, and I didn't want to leave it.  I was on my own but that was fine with me at the time. Anyway after that experience, my life really turned a corner, I was lighter, I definitely lost a lot of negative baggage, and I managed to get another job and get out of the toxic environment I had been in.

My belief is we join some sort of collective consciousnesss, where everyones experiences come together, kind of a way for everyone to learn I suppose.  I guess I still need to figure that part out

Tarot I use more as a personal development tool, it offers another "viewpoint" to consider.  I do a 3 card week ahead reading on a Sunday, and I always think about my card on that particular day.  Its been fascinating to me seeing how the card's meaning manifests itself in the week.  I'll always say what I think it might mean when I do the reading, and then compare what I thought to what happened.  It could be predicting the future, it could be changing the way I look at things.  But if that isn't negative, I don't see the harm.  So as far as I'm concerned, its a win win either way.

Thanks for your kind responses. Yeah i love expressing words on paper. Might not be talented in that regard but i know enough to structure a sentence and so on. I do like horoscopes and tarots. Logically it probably doesn't make any sense but i like to think my stepdad is still... somewhere. My waiting lists are a few years away really. 

Thanks for your kind responses. Yeah i love expressing words on paper. Might not be talented in that regard but i know enough to structure a sentence and so on. I do like horoscopes and tarots. Logically it probably doesn't make any sense but i like to think my stepdad is still... somewhere. My waiting lists are a few years away really. 

Well you do respond very in depth. I'm not religious either nor do i really understand it if I'm being honest. Have also seen things throughout the years but it wasn't just about him. Tarots can be interesting but they can also be a manipulative con so i guess it all depends on our interepration but who knows really. We do anything for comfort as nothing ever fulfills the gap without

Oh sorry to hear those waiting lists are as far away as they are but every day is one step closer, you'll get there

I used to be the biggest skeptic ever on things paranormal and such, until I experienced my own things.  I'm not religious, but I believe there is some kind of life after death.  When my dad died, I saw him before I knew anything was wrong, I guess he was trying to say goodbye.  Couldn't make any sense of it at the time.  I did a past life regression out of curiousity the one time in 2019, I was off work with depression going on 3 months at this point, and it was the best thing I ever did.  I was highly skeptical, didn't think I would be hypnotised, still not convinced I was, but I started to just go with the flow with the images in my head.  I saw myself as a soldier in a full suit of armour (figured this out by looking at my feet).  I was in a marsh area, I was injured, didn't have long to live, and I was near a tree that was giving me a very bad vibe (think it had been used for hangings) but I needed to get to it.  So I got to it, and I "died" which was a release of life, and as I went upwards the tree blossomed in light, it was so beautiful, and I saw other lights shoot upwards which I kind of thought were other souls being released.  And then I was in this golden light, and it was so peaceful, it was just calm, and still, and warm, and I didn't want to leave it.  I was on my own but that was fine with me at the time. Anyway after that experience, my life really turned a corner, I was lighter, I definitely lost a lot of negative baggage, and I managed to get another job and get out of the toxic environment I had been in.

My belief is we join some sort of collective consciousnesss, where everyones experiences come together, kind of a way for everyone to learn I suppose.  I guess I still need to figure that part out

Tarot I use more as a personal development tool, it offers another "viewpoint" to consider.  I do a 3 card week ahead reading on a Sunday, and I always think about my card on that particular day.  Its been fascinating to me seeing how the card's meaning manifests itself in the week.  I'll always say what I think it might mean when I do the reading, and then compare what I thought to what happened.  It could be predicting the future, it could be changing the way I look at things.  But if that isn't negative, I don't see the harm.  So as far as I'm concerned, its a win win either way.