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Aged 52 and Stuck

NeilStone1970

Has anyone else ever been completely stuck in their life, and out of ideas about how make things better? I’m 52 and diagnosed with Aspergers by my local NHS Mental Health Team when I was 45. I don’t have any friends and my only relative is my mother (who I live with) who is n’t able (and has never been able) to offer any support.

Problem is the Mental Heath Team did n’t offer any different treatment when they diagnosed me. Neither the NHS treatment (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) or any of the other therapies I’ve tried have improved my life at all. Most therapies end up with the therapist saying "why can't you jut do this" or "why can't you just do that" or, worse, give me a lecture on how I have face my fears. Basically grow a pair and just do it. Trouble is, that does n't help me at all. I feel put on, demoralised and definitely not empowered or encouraged. 

I have anxiety about doing most things and feel depressed most of the time. That’s been the case as long as I remember.

I went to an Aspergers Group a couple of weeks ago, but I came away feeling even more depressed. Other people seemed were more confident and did all of the talking, and I just could n’t get into it.

 All the therapists I’ve ever seen just taught me a technique (like CBT) or got me to talk about my childhood and then told me to just get on with it. I need something else, but I don’t know what to call it. Some sort of long-term support I can keep going back to and I can get help for things that other people think are trivial, like the process of making friends, buying things, dealing with generalised anxiety. 

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks

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  • I'm 49, and have/had similar issues - unfortunately, there isn't mainstream support, as has been said.  You can google for local charities and support groups, but that is about it.  For therapy, you may want to find a therapist who is autistic themselves, and that might make a difference.  They do exist, but may not be in your area so you may have to travel.  Changing how you think, or feel about things, is hard work and difficult for any human, and being autistic can make that harder as we can be more rigid in our thinking, or think in ways that don't work well with common therapy techniques.

    Negative thoughts cause anxiety, and both lead to depression.  This is why therapists use CBT because they want to change how you think so you think more positively, more healthly, so you reduce the anxiety and depression.  

    I have never been offered CBT or any other therapy, so resorted to buying a book called Overcoming Anxiety And Depression On The Autism Spectrum by Lee Wilkinson, it uses CBT techniques to help you change your thinking.  I recommend it, because it helps you see that thoughts lead to our feelings, and not the actual events/people/things.  For example, you went to the Aspergers Group and came away more depressed - because you had negative thoughts about it and yourself, and those thoughts made you feel bad about the experience.  Easy to have negative thoughts after a difficult/bad experience, but if you think of positive ones instead it will help - you made it and tied to get into it, that's good, and you can do it again.  The others may be naturally more confident, or have been before and built it up - you may need to build into it.

    Therapy can help, but it is only a start for healing and how to change things - you have to go away and work hard on yourself to actually change things and feel better.

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  • I'm 49, and have/had similar issues - unfortunately, there isn't mainstream support, as has been said.  You can google for local charities and support groups, but that is about it.  For therapy, you may want to find a therapist who is autistic themselves, and that might make a difference.  They do exist, but may not be in your area so you may have to travel.  Changing how you think, or feel about things, is hard work and difficult for any human, and being autistic can make that harder as we can be more rigid in our thinking, or think in ways that don't work well with common therapy techniques.

    Negative thoughts cause anxiety, and both lead to depression.  This is why therapists use CBT because they want to change how you think so you think more positively, more healthly, so you reduce the anxiety and depression.  

    I have never been offered CBT or any other therapy, so resorted to buying a book called Overcoming Anxiety And Depression On The Autism Spectrum by Lee Wilkinson, it uses CBT techniques to help you change your thinking.  I recommend it, because it helps you see that thoughts lead to our feelings, and not the actual events/people/things.  For example, you went to the Aspergers Group and came away more depressed - because you had negative thoughts about it and yourself, and those thoughts made you feel bad about the experience.  Easy to have negative thoughts after a difficult/bad experience, but if you think of positive ones instead it will help - you made it and tied to get into it, that's good, and you can do it again.  The others may be naturally more confident, or have been before and built it up - you may need to build into it.

    Therapy can help, but it is only a start for healing and how to change things - you have to go away and work hard on yourself to actually change things and feel better.

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