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Aged 52 and Stuck

NeilStone1970

Has anyone else ever been completely stuck in their life, and out of ideas about how make things better? I’m 52 and diagnosed with Aspergers by my local NHS Mental Health Team when I was 45. I don’t have any friends and my only relative is my mother (who I live with) who is n’t able (and has never been able) to offer any support.

Problem is the Mental Heath Team did n’t offer any different treatment when they diagnosed me. Neither the NHS treatment (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) or any of the other therapies I’ve tried have improved my life at all. Most therapies end up with the therapist saying "why can't you jut do this" or "why can't you just do that" or, worse, give me a lecture on how I have face my fears. Basically grow a pair and just do it. Trouble is, that does n't help me at all. I feel put on, demoralised and definitely not empowered or encouraged. 

I have anxiety about doing most things and feel depressed most of the time. That’s been the case as long as I remember.

I went to an Aspergers Group a couple of weeks ago, but I came away feeling even more depressed. Other people seemed were more confident and did all of the talking, and I just could n’t get into it.

 All the therapists I’ve ever seen just taught me a technique (like CBT) or got me to talk about my childhood and then told me to just get on with it. I need something else, but I don’t know what to call it. Some sort of long-term support I can keep going back to and I can get help for things that other people think are trivial, like the process of making friends, buying things, dealing with generalised anxiety. 

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks

Parents

  • I am not sure I can be of any practical help, but some of the things you say resonate with me. I am currently suffering from depression and feeling quite stuck in life. The GP referred me for CBT, but it did not work. I've been feeling that I need to try harder but just cannot seem to incorporate that way of thinking. The fact is that no therapy has ever worked for me because therapists and I are on a different wavelength.

    The "try harder" bit is the one I am the most upset about, because I don't think they are completely wrong when they say it. I think people tend to put themselves as a reference for how much effort something takes. This "if I can do it, so can you", is normally well intended, but very unhelpful. You and I need different levels of effort to succeed at different things, so I can always say that I can try harder, but at some point, the effort/result ratio becomes unsustainable.

    The fact of the matter is that I need more effort to achieve common things than most people, so the first thing I should do is probably lower the bar. For example, from all the things that I want to achieve, but I am scared of, which one I am scared of the least? Or which level of achievement (even if it sounded stupid to a normal person) would I feel slightly better about?

    I don't think I can achieve the life I would love to have, but I think I can make tiny improvements to mine. And in the end, that is true for pretty much everyone.

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  • I am not sure I can be of any practical help, but some of the things you say resonate with me. I am currently suffering from depression and feeling quite stuck in life. The GP referred me for CBT, but it did not work. I've been feeling that I need to try harder but just cannot seem to incorporate that way of thinking. The fact is that no therapy has ever worked for me because therapists and I are on a different wavelength.

    The "try harder" bit is the one I am the most upset about, because I don't think they are completely wrong when they say it. I think people tend to put themselves as a reference for how much effort something takes. This "if I can do it, so can you", is normally well intended, but very unhelpful. You and I need different levels of effort to succeed at different things, so I can always say that I can try harder, but at some point, the effort/result ratio becomes unsustainable.

    The fact of the matter is that I need more effort to achieve common things than most people, so the first thing I should do is probably lower the bar. For example, from all the things that I want to achieve, but I am scared of, which one I am scared of the least? Or which level of achievement (even if it sounded stupid to a normal person) would I feel slightly better about?

    I don't think I can achieve the life I would love to have, but I think I can make tiny improvements to mine. And in the end, that is true for pretty much everyone.

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