Young Adult
I am at that age where i meet up and friends drink. I don’t drink. There are relationships, very close friends but ‘not in a relationship’ and ‘single but we kiss’ all around me.
Every time I go out with ‘friends’ I do or say something wrong. Every time, without fail. I feel so stupid. I have to apologise to someone, or I have to be told to stop (when doing something). I don’t do it on purpose, and I don’t realise what I am doing is wrong. When I learn what I have done is wrong, I apologise and apologise. I don’t meant to do it, I would never intentionally do it. I alway seem to leave the meet up feeling stupid and horrible, like I’ve ruined the good time. Know else cares and they are never angry at me. But I worry and worry and worry and worry about it for days. It never leave and these things just build up.
I know that people are dying, people have suffering, climate change is going to kill us and what I am going through isn’t a big deal. I have said ‘I’ so much, everything is always about me.
I went through a phase (about three years) when I got extremely lonely because I stopped talking to people. It made me very ill (physically and mentally). I have just begun recovering from that but things like this just make me want to give up.
I hate myself and I don’t want to leave my bedroom.
