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rethinking

Caelus

upon rethinking, i have started to question whether i truly do have ASD or not.

perhaps its just that my upbringing and life and how i was treated by others has instead gave me a life and similarities close to that of people with ASD, but perhaps it isnt mental illness but instead due to life and how things went. my parents were very secure and controlling so they never let me go out at all while other kids could go out and play with each other, which ofcourse would have contributed to me being this way. when you seperate a kid like that at that development phase ofcourse they are going to grow up somewhat similar to a person with autism, but it is perhaps not due to mental illness in my case but due to upbringing. then ofcourse in school never having developed to be around and play with other kids i could never fit in and thus was the weird one and got the isolation the same as a kid with ASD. which then lead to bullying and being outcast which ofcourse would make me feel this way. but maybe after all its not a mental illness but lifestyle and upbringing.

ofcourse i feel i have problems, maybe lifestyle developes mental illness issues. but upon thinking i feel that BPD kinda suits how my mind works. i did say before i mainly only feel the emotions of extreme anger and extreme sadness and some unfeeling uncaring dead nothing between. which is pretty much BPD when i read on it. which can be caused by lifestyle/upbringing like i had and also explain my aggressive attitude some of you may have seen before lol 

so im open to being wrong about my initial guesstimate of ASD and wouldnt mind about it. to be fair its not that hard to be wrong when you browse and see all the different mental issues have pretty much the exact same symptoms. almost like the mental health research is still in its early phase and not anywhere near accurate enough to properly make correct distinctions between every possibility.

  • in reply to Caelus

    The waiting list for the assessment is a long list and can take months and months to hear back. If possible it might be worth you giving them a call to remind them you actually exist lol because they do seem to forget people. They forgot me as well.

  • in reply to Caelus

    i recently sent off my self referral forms for diagnosis and my doctor told me there is waiting list of like 6-8 months maybe even more bc of covid which sucks, don’t know of any places that sound like carphone warehouse so probably was a sales call lmao

  • in reply to Babushkat72

    i think i was on the waiting list for a assessment, not sure if i still am as its been ages. i half suspect the person that phoned me a while ago that i thought said he was from carphone warehouse maybe could have said something else that sounded like that and maybe that was it lol if that was it then i hung up on them thinking it was a sales call, if not then im still on a long waiting list.

  • hi sorry that you seem to be going through a rough time. Imposter syndrome is really common among neurodivergent people, and even though I know I have autism sometimes I think I’m lying to myself or faking it. Having said that, you might not have asd who knows, have you ever thought about trying to get a formal diagnosis? totally get what you mean about overlapping symptoms I have a friend with bpd and some of the stuff we experience is very similar. 

  • in reply to Caelus

    ah "when you go your gone forever" that probably got me too lol thats a depressing song masked by a happy tune.

  • the fear of loss and attachment to people is accurate too, it explains my reaction the first time my mum left me at nursery lol and alot of my dark thoughts have always been about losing people and then visiting areas i spent with people after i lost them and how id feel about that. hell i member i think it was nursery or maybe early primary school i heard the lyrics of karma chameleon and the "comes and goes" part stuck in my mind and made me depressed, all it took to make me depressed even as a young kid.