I have never been great with people. More a spectator of what happens around than an actor of my own life. I have always felt different degrees of loneliness, even now that I am happily married.
However, I can say that actually learned social skills. The turning point happened in my twenties, and the interesting thing is how good but how limited in scope they are. They are so good that almost no-one can believe I am within the spectrum these days, but so limited that my ability to connect remains extremely poor.
To give you an example, I am really good at job interviews. I have not had many, but most of them have ended with a job offer. However, I have failed at pretty much every job due to not understanding of what's expected from me and my inability to make connections. So what is different? I think it is depth.
I have learned how to make most people like me when they first meet me. I cannot really explain how I do it as it has become second nature, but after years of observation and practice I now know how to use words and body language in a way that most people feel comfortable and like me. I think I smile a lot, look for clues on what people feel and what they are interested in, and make it easy for them to be open about it. What I have not learned is how to do the next step, how to actually connect.
I think the reason is that my observation and analytical skills cannot make up for my lack of intuition, common sense or however you want to call that intangible skill. I understand people, and some aspects I understand extremely well, to a point that baffles others. But understanding how car steering works is not the same as being a good driver. You need to be able to feel the car going one way and naturally steer it in the opposite direction just the right amount. At the same time, you need to play with the gas, the brake and the gears. You cannot rationalise all that. It requires a deeper connection that t you ether feel or you don't.
And I don't.
