• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 87 subscribers
  • Views 2096 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Impossible to let go

adhdave

I have High-Functioning ASD, ADHD and GAD, and I am currently separated. My wife and I have been more-or-less doing everything together, albeit not living together, for over 2 years. With the exception of COVID and lockdown, we have been getting on great.

But a few weeks ago she told me she had no feelings for me for over 3 years and that she was merely following the GOV.UK guidelines - whatever that means.

My initial reaction was pure shock and even up until now it doesn't feel real. I feel as though I am in a state of denial that things are what they are, that she doesn't mean it and that I am being punished.

Family and friends are being very supportive, but it feels like I am hard-wired not to give up and to keep on trying to do more and more even if it makes my symptoms worse - which it has several times.

I feel like I am trapped inside a bubble in my mind that belongs to her and there is no escape, but even if there was a means to escape I'm afraid of what's outside the bubble, and therefore I'm reluctant to get out.

I'm sorry if that makes no sense - that's just how I feel all the time.

Is this a normal thought process?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. :)

Parents

  • It sounds like a difficult situation, because you’ve been living in limbo together for some time due to COVID etc, when really you would perhaps have benefitted from going your separate ways. I don’t know how long you’ve been married for, but the longer the relationship, the longer it’ll take to come to terms with. It is very difficult. My husband left me, and I ended up in a deep shutdown/burnout. It was horrendous. So many questions unanswered. And the sheer terror at living alone, having to do everything by myself. I think it took me about 2 years to come to terms with it. By 3 years I could talk about it without becoming upset. 
    I learnt a lot about myself in that time, as well as plenty of facts showing that I wasn’t as ‘happy’ as I thought I was, and that I was actually better off without him. That’s just my story.

    What I wanted to say was, take one day at a time. Make sure you look after yourself. Sleep when you can, and eat even if you don’t feel like it. Distract yourself if you want to, or wallow in the situation. Whatever you decide, it’s perfectly normal, and it’s allowed. This is going to be a long process, but you will come out of it stronger. That’s a fact. There are several stages to go through, and some you will revisit. That’s all perfectly normal too. 

Reply

  • It sounds like a difficult situation, because you’ve been living in limbo together for some time due to COVID etc, when really you would perhaps have benefitted from going your separate ways. I don’t know how long you’ve been married for, but the longer the relationship, the longer it’ll take to come to terms with. It is very difficult. My husband left me, and I ended up in a deep shutdown/burnout. It was horrendous. So many questions unanswered. And the sheer terror at living alone, having to do everything by myself. I think it took me about 2 years to come to terms with it. By 3 years I could talk about it without becoming upset. 
    I learnt a lot about myself in that time, as well as plenty of facts showing that I wasn’t as ‘happy’ as I thought I was, and that I was actually better off without him. That’s just my story.

    What I wanted to say was, take one day at a time. Make sure you look after yourself. Sleep when you can, and eat even if you don’t feel like it. Distract yourself if you want to, or wallow in the situation. Whatever you decide, it’s perfectly normal, and it’s allowed. This is going to be a long process, but you will come out of it stronger. That’s a fact. There are several stages to go through, and some you will revisit. That’s all perfectly normal too. 

Children
No Data