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Impossible to let go

adhdave

I have High-Functioning ASD, ADHD and GAD, and I am currently separated. My wife and I have been more-or-less doing everything together, albeit not living together, for over 2 years. With the exception of COVID and lockdown, we have been getting on great.

But a few weeks ago she told me she had no feelings for me for over 3 years and that she was merely following the GOV.UK guidelines - whatever that means.

My initial reaction was pure shock and even up until now it doesn't feel real. I feel as though I am in a state of denial that things are what they are, that she doesn't mean it and that I am being punished.

Family and friends are being very supportive, but it feels like I am hard-wired not to give up and to keep on trying to do more and more even if it makes my symptoms worse - which it has several times.

I feel like I am trapped inside a bubble in my mind that belongs to her and there is no escape, but even if there was a means to escape I'm afraid of what's outside the bubble, and therefore I'm reluctant to get out.

I'm sorry if that makes no sense - that's just how I feel all the time.

Is this a normal thought process?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. :)

Parents

  • I think it does make sense. I get what you mean. You won’t just be able to get over being with someone quickly because she was part of your daily routine. So now it means charging a routine you have got used to having.

     I t can happen to anyone in a relationship my sister read relationships mostly only last up to 15 years theses day’s. There are people that last longer of course but that’s apparently the average.

    people seem to like each other for a while then they get more distant as time goes on we become like old televisions to other half. Just something there in the same room that you take for granted it’s always there like when you get exited about your new brand new tv after a while you get used to it it doesn’t seem so great anymore? That’s what I have found. 

    of course that can’t be said for the way other people feel I don’t know how they feel about relationships. It’s only my appinion of what I feel happens when things go wrong, it is the way it feels for me.

    In the past when it’s happened to me I’ve tried to do things like like doing a lot to try to stop thinking about it. Drives you crazy trying to work out why how when it all went wrong. You won’t know. It doesn’t matter it doesn’t stop you feeling bad not knowing how you can live a happy life. 

    You will get better what I also did is I bought a book A5 lined one from Tesco or WHSmith. When ever I felt bad I wrote it down. I said how I felt how it made me feel. Sometimes I would write as if I was writing to them, then it was on the page not in my head. It took ages to start to feel ok but I do now feel ok again. I finished it because mine hit me in the chest one night. Because I disagreed with what they said about something. They hit me and at the same time shouted shut up. I was really in shock I felt frozen to the spot I couldn’t move. When I got home I finished with them on the telephone. Never saw them again after. I did call them a few times afterwards one time they started being really horrible shouting abuse at me. I even called about 2 times after that then that was it. I deleted there number never called again. I did really miss them because I had been used to the routine of seeing them we never lived together. 

    In time you will be ok honestly I have been there 3times now it really hurts bad but the pain does eventually go. I feel fine now. That was April  2018. I was feeling better after about a year and a half. Then it felt just like a dream I had it still does. I don’t feel anything sad now at all.

  • in reply to NAS76713

    would it be called the emotion Grieving sounds like grieving, i think grieving comes in all different situation i am too grieivng for a new life and you must be grieivng from your loss

  • in reply to Chris

    I think your right it is definitely a grieving process that we go through when we have had a relationship that doesn’t work last.

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  • in reply to NAS76713

    i feel like i grieve when i think i find a friend in a mental health service and then i find out i am a patient and no one acually cares about me not sure if this is loneliness or what but it sure is sad when i think i have a friend then nope im just a another number and a nobody to another person, and get left with nothing not even partly recoverd