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Impossible to let go

adhdave

I have High-Functioning ASD, ADHD and GAD, and I am currently separated. My wife and I have been more-or-less doing everything together, albeit not living together, for over 2 years. With the exception of COVID and lockdown, we have been getting on great.

But a few weeks ago she told me she had no feelings for me for over 3 years and that she was merely following the GOV.UK guidelines - whatever that means.

My initial reaction was pure shock and even up until now it doesn't feel real. I feel as though I am in a state of denial that things are what they are, that she doesn't mean it and that I am being punished.

Family and friends are being very supportive, but it feels like I am hard-wired not to give up and to keep on trying to do more and more even if it makes my symptoms worse - which it has several times.

I feel like I am trapped inside a bubble in my mind that belongs to her and there is no escape, but even if there was a means to escape I'm afraid of what's outside the bubble, and therefore I'm reluctant to get out.

I'm sorry if that makes no sense - that's just how I feel all the time.

Is this a normal thought process?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. :)

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  • You are hard-wired toward loyalty. It's a symptom of monotropism. https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-32/august-2019/me-and-monotropism-unified-theory-autism

    It is Painful - and I mean severely painful for Autistic individuals to let go. Not to mention not understanding social nuances and feeling gutted like there's no redemption, but our sensory impact is far more intense than NTs, which include emotional impact.  

    Did she once feel something? Even still she should've been honest with you then. In an ideal situation, we share our selves with the person we've made a commitment to and give them a chance to help when something is off or something breaks. Love is built by how we mend and troubleshoot because if you don't tend a relationship, invest into it, it will fade or spoil. 

    I feel this deeply & feel sad... I've been through this sort of thing and discovered what I value from it and thus, have learned to look for those same values in another before making a commitment - be it small or something as weighted as marriage. 

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  • You are hard-wired toward loyalty. It's a symptom of monotropism. https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-32/august-2019/me-and-monotropism-unified-theory-autism

    It is Painful - and I mean severely painful for Autistic individuals to let go. Not to mention not understanding social nuances and feeling gutted like there's no redemption, but our sensory impact is far more intense than NTs, which include emotional impact.  

    Did she once feel something? Even still she should've been honest with you then. In an ideal situation, we share our selves with the person we've made a commitment to and give them a chance to help when something is off or something breaks. Love is built by how we mend and troubleshoot because if you don't tend a relationship, invest into it, it will fade or spoil. 

    I feel this deeply & feel sad... I've been through this sort of thing and discovered what I value from it and thus, have learned to look for those same values in another before making a commitment - be it small or something as weighted as marriage. 

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