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Should I seek a diagnosis?

ClaireH

Hi,

I'm 32yo female who has struggled with 'normal' life for as long as I can remember. My entire life I was labelled as shy and a daydreamer and coasted through school being nearly invisible to all those around me. When I started working and things got worse I was treated for anxiety which didn't work. Then I was treated for depression which didn't work. Then I was told I have a social anxiety disorder and was treated for that, but that also didn't really help. Nothing I was told felt right to me. I didn't feel they fit with my experiences and definitely didn't explain everything I struggled with. Then my ex started volunteering at a youth group for ADHD/ASD kids and contacted me as he felt he saw many similarities between myself and the kids he was working with. And so I began reading about autism and ADHD and it felt so relatable that it quickly has become an obsession. I want to know everything! 

I've taken many of the online tests recommended. My results:

AQ-10 scored 32/7 

AQ-50 scored 39 

RAADS-R scored 180 

I am still uncertain however ... I have my mother echoing in my brain "There's nothing wrong with you, everyone struggles. You just have to get on with." Having had so many unsatisfactory experiences with diagnosis and doctors I'm feeling terrified of trying to seek an autism diagnosis but I am really struggling to the point I can't see a future (even though I want one!) I'm also concerned about confirmation bias while I'm researching, questioning if it is true how could it have been missed for so long and 'jumping on the tiktok bandwagon' but the little bits I have learnt, and implemented into my life have helped so I feel like a diagnosis would finally be an answer and a way to deal with the future. So for the waffle. If anyone has any advice it would be hugely appreciated.

  • in reply to Roy

    Thank you for your response, it sounds very similar to what I have experienced. I believe I do have old reports somewhere so I'll dig those out to take with me. I hadn't thought of asking my ex to help filling bits in so that's also helpful. Everyone's responses have really helped my confidence with this, it's amazing what a difference it makes knowing you aren't alone in your experiences.

  • in reply to Buz89

    Unless it's something I am really interested in yes. I have started a list of relatable traits that people are associating with ASD and ADHD, and so far I have as many notes in one as I do the other.  

  • Hi, from what you have said, I would seek a diagnosis. I’m just starting the process at 54. My mother is 75 and I hade the,   “ you don’t look autistic, autistic people don’t talk and stare at the wall.” I can remember a lot of my pre school life and knew I was different then. My wife has been with me since I was a teenager. She can apparently help with my diagnosis. I personally treat my mother as a hostile witness. I’ve been masking for so long that a lot of my traits I thought just normal. My wife has pointed out things like, I never shower and only bath, I then realised that I hate water spraying on my face, it’s like acid rain, I never walk anywhere with bare feet, not even indoor,I hate it. All things that I never noticed.

    I’ve got school reports that just repeat, quiet, doesn’t join in doesn’t make his presence felt in class. Do you have any school reports, they could help. I know the issue with a parent report can be worked around especially if non are surviving. Could you ex fill in some of the blanks, he’s obviously noticed something about you.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  • Do you find it hard to focus? Like your mind wonders off? 

  • Hi there - I have had the same experiences as you have. On and off anxiety and depression since I was in school.  I have always felt different.  I was also very shy and very quiet.  I also became obsessed with autism once I noticed certain characteristics I exhibit. I have asked for a referral in December from GP.  I would advise to speak with your family/ex partner and make a list of things that would make you think that you may be on the spectrum.  Bring this evidence to your GP.  Ask for a referral. It can be daunting but you need to be assertive.  Good luck!  

  • Do it. It’ll probably the best thing you can do for yourself.

    I was fighting for years to get my daughter diagnosed. Once day I realised I was the same, and it felt like I was hit with a thunderbolt. Two years on I still can’t work out how I didn’t know. However, I put myself for assessment recently, and I am now waiting for my result. I hope I get the answer I’m looking for!