Hey all,
I’ll keep this brief as poss but I’m 35 and have now been told by a few people in my life that I should probably get a diagnosis. I don’t want to seem like I looking for something that’s not there but I have things that have ALWAYS been there and as I get older it becomes clearer how much they have impacted my life. Whether it is autism or not is hard for me to say but even to find out it wasn’t would be a useful start I believe. I’m not asking anyone here to diagnose - just some other opinions on whether it’s worth making the time to seek a diagnosis. Here are the things that have always been there and/or a problem for me:
Eye contact
I have always struggled at maintaining eye contact when speaking to people, particularly if the topic of conversation requires me to talk about myself.
Tone of voice
I can often use the wrong tone of voice to communicate what I’m trying to say, seeming uninterested or aloof when in reality/in my head I’m very excited or enthusiastic. When people read me wrong I find this terribly frustrating and confusing and it happens a lot - again this goes back to my earliest memories - always being misunderstood by teachers.
Recognising emotions in others
I don’t always recognise other peoples emotions or I have a delayed response to them, only realising how I should have responded once the interaction is over. This can be upsetting for other people and extremely frustrating for me.
Expressing emotions
I’m very in tune with feeling my emotions but not so good at expressing them accurately - much like my tone of voice. I can often come across as the opposite of how I’m feeling. Having an understanding or diagnosis of why that is would be very helpful for me in working out what I should perhaps do as this has had a negative impact on relationships throughout my life.
Personal space
I have always struggled with personal space, being too close to people especially - to an extent that others have described as unhealthy and rude. It can be a big problem when dating. It can make me in turn struggle with communicating, eye contact, maintaining conversation. Understanding whether this is because I’m autistic or something else would be extremely useful.
Repetitive body movements
I rock, I spin, I walk on the spot for no particular reason. I twiddle my hair. I tap drum beats on tables. It’s non stop and has always been a thing.
Easily distracted
Easily distracted by spinning objects or lights. Often zone out of conversations midway without realising, can make me seem uninterested when I was actually interested in the conversation. Damaging in work situations, meeting new people.
Lining up objects
I line up my food as I eat it. Always have. I line up my chips, my sausages, my beans, my meatballs - sometimes cutting them down first - I don’t know I’m doing it and people think I’m strange. It’s very embarrassing. I also line up everything I see on my desk, or on the table at the restaurant - I never know I’m doing it and it’s very embarrassing when pointed out to me.
Thanks for reading x
