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Diagnosis - can anyone help at all?

Carly

Hey all,

I’ll keep this brief as poss but I’m 35 and have now been told by a few people in my life that I should probably get a diagnosis. I don’t want to seem like I looking for something that’s not there but I have things that have ALWAYS been there and as I get older it becomes clearer how much they have impacted my life. Whether it is autism or not is hard for me to say but even to find out it wasn’t would be a useful start I believe. I’m not asking anyone here to diagnose - just some other opinions on whether it’s worth making the time to seek a diagnosis. Here are the things that have always been there and/or a problem for me:

Eye contact

I have always struggled at maintaining eye contact when speaking to people, particularly if the topic of conversation requires me to talk about myself.

Tone of voice

I can often use the wrong tone of voice to communicate what I’m trying to say, seeming uninterested or aloof when in reality/in my head I’m very excited or enthusiastic. When people read me wrong I find this terribly frustrating and confusing and it happens a lot - again this goes back to my earliest memories - always being misunderstood by teachers. 

Recognising emotions in others

I don’t always recognise other peoples emotions or I have a delayed response to them, only realising how I should have responded once the interaction is over. This can be upsetting for other people and extremely frustrating for me.

Expressing emotions

I’m very in tune with feeling my emotions but not so good at expressing them accurately - much like my tone of voice. I can often come across as the opposite of how I’m feeling. Having an understanding or diagnosis of why that is would be very helpful for me in working out what I should perhaps do as this has had a negative impact on relationships throughout my life.

Personal space

I have always struggled with personal space, being too close to people especially - to an extent that others have described as unhealthy and rude. It can be a big problem when dating. It can make me in turn struggle with communicating, eye contact, maintaining conversation. Understanding whether this is because I’m autistic or something else would be extremely useful.

Repetitive body movements

I rock, I spin, I walk on the spot for no particular reason. I twiddle my hair. I tap drum beats on tables. It’s non stop and has always been a thing.

Easily distracted

Easily distracted by spinning objects or lights. Often zone out of conversations midway without realising, can make me seem uninterested when I was actually interested in the conversation. Damaging in work situations, meeting new people.

Lining up objects

I line up my food as I eat it. Always have. I line up my chips, my sausages, my beans, my meatballs - sometimes cutting them down first - I don’t know I’m doing it and people think I’m strange. It’s very embarrassing. I also line up everything I see on my desk, or on the table at the restaurant - I never know I’m doing it and it’s very embarrassing when pointed out to me.

Thanks for reading x

  • Have you done an AQ50 test?  It doesn't take long and should give you and indication of where you are with ASD.

    https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

  • I think if it in anyway would help you in your life then go get a diagnosis, for me I also think I may be Autistic, my daughter has just been diagnosed. I personally won’t be going to try to get a diagnosis as I don’t feel it would change anything for myself, I always struggled and have felt different etc but I can hold down a job now and have learned to cope in my own strange ways. But for some people they will always wonder and need to just find out once and for all, I think if you do get a diagnosis you will finally be able to accept why you do those things, my daughter who was diagnosed at 17  now understands why she’s the way she is and is much happier. 

  • Connect to your self more often! Buy a notebook and begin to take notes at all the things you day dream about. Every thing! Find intentional ways of lining things up (rocks? secretly while shopping?) and decorate this way if you wish. Work out your internal BPM (beats per minute - you can download an app) and find out what timing and rhythms you enjoy. Engage with your self and your senses MORE! A matter of becoming can be an art in itself.

    Personal Space, though, is a matter of boundaries. If interested, maybe google "how to create healthy boundaries" and find interesting ways to express them which people will respect. Personal space and boundaries are matters involving vulnerability and intimacy. Learn to earn trust and expect others to work for yours. Trust should never be granted freely. Eye contact can be about vulnerability, too. I don't need to see deep into your soul. "I would love to listen to you and it's distracting if our eyes are Locked. Help me help you want to be heard" - possible thoughts on how to explain this. In some societies as Chloe at Aucademy https://www.facebook.com/Aucademy will state, in some societies / cultures, it is offensive or an act of aggression to look someone in the eye.

    As for emotions and tone, that's nothing that a drama class and good book on ethics can't help with. I may never be able to read your emotions, but I can affirm your worth as a human. :) 

    Hopefully some of these help! I resigned at some point to just be decadently eccentric. And kind, but unapologetic about my oddities. I just made them mine.

  • Just go for it Carly.  No harm if you aren't, but you may find you have a different condition.  Whatever, the self-knowledge you'll gain will help you to navigate a world made for neurotypical people a lot more easily.  It has for me, anyway.

  • Embarrassing? You can’t possibly be autistic if you feel embarrassment…..said the clinical psychologist to my daughter!! Hence no diagnosis! 
    Anyway, back to you….yes you sound like you could be on the spectrum, or have ADHD. Either way, it would be very good for you to find out for sure, don’t you think? 
    I don’t think anyone just feels they might be autistic for no reason. Why would anyone do that? Or want that? We just know. And some of us go through with an assessment, and some don’t. Either way, it’s a learning curve, and I think we come off better once we know for sure.