Published on 12, July, 2020
My family are cross with me as they say that since I was diagnosed I am using my autism as an excuse not to change my behaviour and that am doing things now that I wouldn't have done before and "blaming" it in on my autism.
I don't know how to deal with this information. Do I need to pretend that I am not autistic and go back to masking and hiding who I really am? Do I need to act as if I never got a diagnosis and not mention my autism ever again?
My husband says that he feels like he is the only one expected to change in our relationship because now I am autistic it means that I have an excuse not to have to make any changes.
I really don't know what I am supposed to do this information or what I should do about it!
Has anyone else had this happen to them? Any advice on what I should do?
I feel like no-one is willing to accept me as I am and everyone is fed up with me being autsistic!
Its the constant eye roll/smirk/grunt when you dare mention that you may of said something or thought something a certain way because of your autism. I wish I was not autistic, just to feel on the same level of communication with others (including my partner).
Any sort of discussion or argument, i feel out of my depth. They say make changes, but Im almost confident that if i could make a change, I would have by now, because its so upsetting to go through life struggling with most communication.
I find I am much better at typing, and writing, than I am at speaking. I think it has something to do with processing thoughts, and being able to read responses. We tried to implement communication via texting, or writing, during arguments, but this did not work for long for the other person. Its hard to pause a conversation and say, 'hey can we write this down, or text, as the constant bombardment of words are really hard for me to understand and it makes me feel so so overwhelmed and I just can not communicate well at all'
Life is hard.
I haven't really got much advice, but I thought id let you know you are not alone, and by reading your post, I felt not alone too. So thankyou for sharing.
xx
If I need to have a contentious conversation with someone who knows me well, I ask to do it in "chapters." We'll talk until I start to feel that my head is loosing clarity, then I quickly seek agreement to summarise where we have got to - and then I retreat and rest for a wee while....say 3-30mins.....then we will resume.
This no only helps me to stay calm and focused, it also helps take any "heated emotion" out of the conversation.
Perhaps try this methodology with your partner?
Thats a great idea thankyou! I will try an implement this. Im sure it would help alot. :)
Groovy. I like to be useful. If it works, pass it on.