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Using Autism as an excuse

Magnolia1

My family are cross with me as they say that since I was diagnosed I am using my autism as an excuse not to change my behaviour and that am doing things now that I wouldn't have  done before and "blaming" it in on my autism. 

I don't know how to deal with this information. Do I need to pretend that I am not autistic and go back to masking and hiding who I really am? Do I need to act as if I never got a diagnosis and not mention my autism ever again? 

My husband says that he feels like he is the only one expected to change in our relationship because  now I am autistic it means that I have an excuse not to have to make any changes.

I really don't know what I am supposed to do this information or what I should do about it!

Has anyone else had this happen to them? Any advice on what I should do?

I feel like no-one is willing to accept me as I am and everyone is fed up with me being autsistic!

Parents

  • My father said exactly the same thing to me when I was diagnosed... that I was using autism as an 'excuse' and that I just had to get over it and that I was ruining my life by letting myself withdraw from social events etc. Then he just questioned the diagnosis and implied that he just doesn't believe it. Before I was diagnosed he kept saying he was tired of hearing about autism etc. I tried to explain to him about what it means to be autistic but I just don't think he is open to hearing about it. Now I just don't mention it to him anymore. I didn't live with my father growing up so we were never so close but it still hurts to be dismissed in this way- it's not ok but I think it comes from a closemindedness and from not understanding. The ironic thing is that when I think about it my dad actually has quite a few autistic traits himself. Luckily my Mum is much more understanding (she's probably also autistic actually). So for me it was probably easier as I only talk to my dad on the phone anyways so I can just avoid the subject of autism with him... I think I am allowing myself to be more myself and take better care of my needs since I have been diagnosed though. 

    I think over long term if you have to keep masking for your family it will become extremely exhausting, especially if you live with them and it could result in burnout. 

    I also think that we are capable of change. We can't change that we are autistic but we can still change things. 

    I hope your family is getting more accepting- maybe with time they will become more understanding. 

Reply

  • My father said exactly the same thing to me when I was diagnosed... that I was using autism as an 'excuse' and that I just had to get over it and that I was ruining my life by letting myself withdraw from social events etc. Then he just questioned the diagnosis and implied that he just doesn't believe it. Before I was diagnosed he kept saying he was tired of hearing about autism etc. I tried to explain to him about what it means to be autistic but I just don't think he is open to hearing about it. Now I just don't mention it to him anymore. I didn't live with my father growing up so we were never so close but it still hurts to be dismissed in this way- it's not ok but I think it comes from a closemindedness and from not understanding. The ironic thing is that when I think about it my dad actually has quite a few autistic traits himself. Luckily my Mum is much more understanding (she's probably also autistic actually). So for me it was probably easier as I only talk to my dad on the phone anyways so I can just avoid the subject of autism with him... I think I am allowing myself to be more myself and take better care of my needs since I have been diagnosed though. 

    I think over long term if you have to keep masking for your family it will become extremely exhausting, especially if you live with them and it could result in burnout. 

    I also think that we are capable of change. We can't change that we are autistic but we can still change things. 

    I hope your family is getting more accepting- maybe with time they will become more understanding. 

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