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Found myself unable to work (and handled leaving terribly)

NAS77110

So I got my first job in August. Right off the bat I didn’t want to be there and felt incredibly uncomfortable being there. I was depressed and anxious, even pushing back my starting date. Only a month in I took an entire week off due to physically feeling incapable of going and haven’t horrible self destructive thoughts.

Somehow I kept going, but in doing so I started drinking excessively every weekend, over/undereating and not looking after myself (not showering or brushing my teeth for days)

Whilst at work I would have meltdowns almost everyday. I would get insanely irritable to the point where i would punch things and my thoughts were just disgustingly violent. I would almost be completely non verbal, even. I couldn’t join in conversations and when I did I would stutter and trip over my words. I wasn’t able to control my body. Like, I would try to make my hands do something but they wouldn’t cooperate. I wasn’t doing good.

After Christmas I couldn’t bring myself to go back, I just couldn’t. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I literally would do ANYTHING instead of going. It didn’t help that all of these things had been building up after months. I should’ve communicated how I felt but like I said, I physically felt unable to, I couldn’t function. So in an incredibly impulsive and stupid move on my end I just blocked everyone from work and didn’t go in anymore.

They emailed me today asking me to call and just the idea of that makes me nauseous. Phone calls, especially with people who already make me uncomfortable to be around/talk to. I’ve emailed multiple places for advice/support and I think I’m going to reply to the email from work in the morning, to explain that I feel unable to call or go back.

I just feel hopeless. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I dropped out of college twice due to similar reasons. So what am I meant to do? How do I live? I feel completely lost.

  • Hello ,

    I am very sorry to hear that you have had such a challenging experience at work. 

    Unfortunately, we are not able to offer direct support to people who are searching for work. However, here are some resources which may help: 

     Firstly, our ‘Finding Work’ handbook aims to support autistic job seekers to find work. This digital workbook is designed to help autistic adults prepare themselves for employment. Topics include understanding autism better, choosing a suitable role, applying for roles, preparing for and getting through interviews, finding work experience, working on communication and social skills, managing anxiety and preparing for the workplace. It can be downloaded for free here: https://www.autism.org.uk/shop/products/books-and-resources/finding-work-interactive-ebook 
     
    We have also made available a free online learning module designed to help autistic job seekers entering the job market in understanding their strengths and what next steps they could take towards gaining meaningful employment or work: 
    https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/professional-development/training-and-conferences/employment/finding-employment 

     Additionally, it could be worthwhile looking at the Evenbreak website for listed job vacancies (http://www.evenbreak.co.uk/). Even break matches disabled job seekers with employers looking to build a diverse workforce. 
     

    The British Association of Supported Employment, who have a database of supported employment agencies, so you can search for one in your local area: www.base-uk.org 

    Remploy, an organisation which supports people with disabilities and those experiencing complex barriers to work, into mainstream employment: www.remploy.co.uk 

     I have also included a link to our job-page: 

     https://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/work-for-us 

     

    Within this page you can click on our job and volunteering page to find out about our current employment and volunteering opportunities with The National Autistic Society. We particularly welcome applications from autistic people. 

      

    Finally, you can find more information about seeking a job, and about your rights in work here: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment 

    I hope this helps,

    ChloeMod

  • Getting a job as someone who is neurodivergent is never straightforward. Don't feel ashamed i have over 30+ jobs that have ended poorly and i am only 25.  

    First of all never push yourself into a job that you do not feel comfortable with because it will result burnout which isn't sustainable for long periods and will result in either physical exhaustion that makes your seriously unwell or get you fired. 

    Secondly never accept a job that is either un capable of making reasonable adjustment or just plain refuses to implement such. This means that you often need to avoid zero hour contract employment because it often means lack of routine and structure. 

    Their is support out their, access to work and local autism advocates that can help you discuss and make reasonable adjustment at work. their is also employment schemes that can help you find the ideal job for you that is focus around your special interests or to help you learn new skills. But saying this you need to be careful. from experience i would avoid the Shawtrust & Nova Training and look for a local authority led programme or small organisation for help as they are not target based and treat you like a human not an opportunity.

    I would contact your local job centre and arrange a meeting with your local disability employment advisor who should be able to direct you help looking, finding, applying and sustaining employment.