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Doubt

Catlover

My second appointment is looming and I’m full of doubt. I am talking myself out of the possibility of being Autistic. I don’t want to post here anymore, and I have been trying to find other causes for my issues. I’m still going over the first testing session repeatedly. I’m so angry that I forgot basic things that we should all know. I don’t feel I performed very well. And I’m not happy that I think I was being observed at the time. I only realised this after attending.


Today, I delved further into understanding Dyspraxia, that my daughter has. Reading through the huge list of symptoms (that I didn’t know existed), I find many that apply to me. Perhaps it’s just that that I have. I feel like I’m wasting my money on this assessment. Weary 

  • Don’t worry,. I recently went through the same phase,. I got my diagnosis without childhood input and convinced I was adhd ocd bipolar.. turns out I am all this and it’s ASD. Worry and doubt is a trait so I get told on a daily basis. If it’s not ASD they’ll point the mental health in the right direction as there opinions will count.

    you wasted money? Mine was free? :-/ 

  • in reply to Catlover

    Yes. It is a stressful process. But these things do run on the genes and manifest in many ways. You know that. It sounds like you really want to know how they are affecting you. Just run with it. Your answers lie on the other side of this process. Whatever they say to you, it will have been worth while.

    Given your family history there, it is highly likely that one or more ND conditions apply to you. Once you know which ones, you'll know how to make things better and start to see the 'can dos' rather than the 'can't do' in the vast potential in your life.

    Let us know how it goes. 

  • in reply to Tonik

    You are quite right. I will know one way or the other.

    My daughter is more obvious than me, and her assessment with the NHS was awful, and she didn’t get a diagnosis. Hence, I worry I might not be obvious enough either. 
    I paid privately for her, and she came away with the 3 conditions we knew she had, and that was money well spent. I just hope mine will be.

  • in reply to Dawn

    Thank you Dawn. I wasn’t feeling too great when I posted.

    My daughter is Autistic, with ADHD and Dyspraxia, and I have other diagnosed relatives. I suspect my son is on the spectrum, and my mum has recently self diagnosed, following on from my own journey.

    I know these things cross over a lot, so I guess time will tell. The whole thing is stressing me out the closer it gets Weary

  • Catlover said:
    I feel like I’m wasting my money on this assessment

    I understand this concern - my assessment was very expensive for me and I had doubts too - but knowledge is power! You will either find out that you are autistic or not. Either way, this is such valuable information. If your assessor says you are not autistic, then ask them what else is it likely to be? They probably won't give you a definite answer, but at least they should be able to say what other things are worth your time and money investigating next.

  • This must be so hard for you. But listen to something you just said: your daughter has dyspraxia! Dyspraxia is another form of neurodivergence related to and on the same gene set as dyslexia, dyscalcula, hyperlexia, ADHD, tourette's, a host of other things and AUTISM!!!

    My grand father was born in 1895. He was a highly intelligent man whose mental arithmetic was s**t hot, politically aware, could argue the proverbial hind legs off the most eloquent and logical of donkeys and could tell you all the Latin names of the plants he won prizes for growing. But YET, no matter how hard the school system, my aunts, my grandmother tried to teach him to read, he couldn't do it. It was like he was "trying backwards", they said. No one knew about neurodivergence of any kind in 1895, and little more was known by 1973, when he died.

    So many of his descendants (and we are many) have one form of neurodivergence or another. I have uncles and cousins who are dyslexic (me too), dyspraxic and/or autistic. 

    Your daughter got those glorious genes from somewhere. Maybe you are Autistic, maybe you are dyspraxic. Maybe you are both! But something took you to the door of this assessment process....something in you feels something is different. Something in you wants to know what that something is.

    My advice: relax. Go. Give them everything whether you think it argues for or or against Autism. Tell them your concerns about dyspraxia. And let them judge. Let them introduce you to you. Even if "only dyspraxia" is their verdict, it still means you aren't neurotypical and it still means this assessment has the potential to make your life a shed load easier going forward.

    Oh, and you don't have to "perform" well, or any which way for this to help you. Just be you. Just you.

    All the best to you :-) x