Growing up lonely and trying to fit in and completely lost myself

I remember at school when I was 7 years old. I couldn’t read or write I have autism and dyslexia. I copied all the children reading all the books in our classroom I could repeat all of the dialogue as if it was a script. One day our teacher was off sick, we had the headmistress take our class, she said “I want you all to write a little story. I didn’t write anything and began to cry. She came over to me and said why are you crying? I replied because I can’t read and I can’t write. Rubbish she said, I am told you know all the books in this classroom off by heart. She didn’t give me time to explain how I had learnt them. She thought I was just being defiant. She did not believe me, so to punish me she told me to stand online in the corridor she gave me a book which wasn’t in our classroom and told me I was to read it out loud. I try to read the book but all I could do is say a, b, I, all the children that passed by me mimicked me trying to read and laughed at me it was horrible and I was crying it was really terrible.

when it came to play time I used to pretend I was riding a horse all the time and didn’t play with the other children in the playground every now and again somebody wanted somebody for a skipping game or one potato two potato game and nobody ever wanted to play with me because they said I was different and I didn’t know how to skip I wasn’t enough to coordinated to do the potato game. So I too was totally left out.

I remember at school when I was 7 years old. I couldn’t read or write I have autism and dyslexia. I copied all the children reading all the books in our classroom I could repeat all of the dialogue as if it was a script. One day our teacher was off sick, we had the headmistress take our class, she said “I want you all to write a little story. I didn’t write anything and began to cry. She came over to me and said why are you crying? I replied because I can’t read and I can’t write. Rubbish she said, I am told you know all the books in this classroom off by heart. She didn’t give me time to explain how I had learnt them. She thought I was just being defiant. She did not believe me, so to punish me she told me to stand online in the corridor she gave me a book which wasn’t in our classroom and told me I was to read it out loud. I try to read the book but all I could do is say a, b, I, all the children that passed by me mimicked me trying to read and laughed at me it was horrible and I was crying it was really terrible.

when it came to play time I used to pretend I was riding a horse all the time and didn’t play with the other children in the playground every now and again somebody wanted somebody for a skipping game or one potato two potato game and nobody ever wanted to play with me because they said I was different and I didn’t know how to skip I wasn’t enough to coordinated to do the potato game. So I too was totally left out.

Hi,

It is amazing how we manage to dip beneath the radar so often my memory and mimicry. In a new environment I watch how others act and then I not so much copy them, but hold back aspects of action, laughter, swearing etc so I get no attention... but if I feel strongly about something, usually an injustice, I can't stop myself from expressing my thoughts..