Growing up lonely and trying to fit in and completely lost myself

Hi,

Anyone else grew up trying to fit in throughout their lives to the point where you have lost your self and dont accept yourself anymore?

I am aged 32 and have had alot of different jobs and never made friends with anyone. i have always tried to fit in and changed myself so i can be accpeted in society and felt like i have lived in a gold fish tank my whole life. the effects of this is not great as i really hate myself and hate people who do not understand me or accept me. as they trigger me. I  struggle to live in this mad world and search for acceptance try to get people to understand me, its also impacted my mental health so much on top of other things thats caused my mental health to be so bad.

Parents
  • I went through lots and lots of jobs before I found IT.  All that time doing office jobs and admin I never fitted in, I didn't understand my colleagues at all or the office games they played and being blunt and rude at times meant I got pushed to the edges and was first to be made redundant when the next downturn came.

    All that stopped when, with a lucky break, I got into programming.  Where I am now I have been for 21 years and, knowing what to look for, I would say ASD is heavily over represented in our ranks and as such I seem to fit in.  I also get on well when I need to meet people face to face (which isn't very often) because we tend to talk shop and cut the pointless chit chat.

Reply
  • I went through lots and lots of jobs before I found IT.  All that time doing office jobs and admin I never fitted in, I didn't understand my colleagues at all or the office games they played and being blunt and rude at times meant I got pushed to the edges and was first to be made redundant when the next downturn came.

    All that stopped when, with a lucky break, I got into programming.  Where I am now I have been for 21 years and, knowing what to look for, I would say ASD is heavily over represented in our ranks and as such I seem to fit in.  I also get on well when I need to meet people face to face (which isn't very often) because we tend to talk shop and cut the pointless chit chat.

Children
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