When you first

Nearly 57 and very recent.

I see nothing but positives:

- my whole life suddenly makes perfect sence. Big time!!

- All that I am, after so much struggle and pain, has been validated. I'm not a failed NT. I'm a successful ND.

- I can congratulate myself for all the things I experienced real difficulty with due to autism and yet b*****y well did any way. Go me! Seriously, there are things where I think, blimey I did that anyway!!?

- I can let myself 'off the hook' for the few things I really can't do due to sensory component of autism - like drive.

- RELIEF. Massive blissful relief

- a few backsides have suddenly kicked into gear about the one thing I genuinely just could not cope with: my medical phobias and access to health care. Diagnosis = the right help, finally!

- see last point. It has literally saved my life

- so recognising why my gifts are what they are and lovin' my lovely autistic/dyslexic brain. My hyperfocus and analytical skills are actually my professional selling point (kinda knew that anyway, but now I really know). I wouldn't swap my brain for all the tea in China.

- I can forgive the unwitting harms done to me by NTs, no matter how painful. Neither I nor they knew.

- my stims don't alarm me any more. I know what they are now. I'm not bonkers and I need them, so I stim happily away without caring. And no I don't care who's watching.

- if I have a melt down, ok it's horrible, but I don't need to beat myself up any more about it. And I can just warn people it might happen and just tell them not to worry about it. Just leave me alone to recover. I'll be fine.

- a suddenly improved understanding of NTs...what? They know what people think and feel without intensly studying and analysing that, really? Oh wow! I might call on their special talent and ask my NT friends about stuff when I'm unsure. Bits of their logical processes sometimes aren't as good, though. Ok, I'll be more respectful and patient and try to explain things in their terms.  They think you don't care if you haven't called this week. Ok. I love them and I'll do that for them etc

- magically I know what help to ask for and have the courage to ask for it. Never been very good at asking for help.

The list could go on. My diagnosis has given me hope, confidence and a way forward with so much. I could dance naked in the moonlight

Age 55.  Main consequences for me:

- more insight, understanding and awareness of why things have turned out the way they have

- greater knowledge, a more positive sense of identity 

- more idea about where to look for relevant information, instead of circling around all the same self help ideas again and again

- knowing my limitations, what is likely to change and what isn't

- better able to support my now adult family

Some negatives include waves of anger over being  identified so late in life, especially since this wasn't for want of trying to find help.  And especially the severe consequences for my family, resulting from not realising that we are neurodivergent, therefore parenting and schooling in ways that weren't ND friendly and not knowing how to support them until lots of damage had already built up.  I still don't know where to turn for help with unpicking all of this, to my constant regret. 

Although some of this relates to my family rather than myself, the old adage that a parent can only be as happy as their most miserable child often rings true for me.  

Having found out recently, my main feeling has been one of relief as it explains the difficulties and issues I have had in my life.  It also explains how I deal with people and gives me some idea of how to cope in future situations with strangers etc.  For me, my immediate family and friends have been very supportive and we are exploring this knowledge together.  However sometimes it hits me an leaves me reeling a bit (holy crap - I am Autistic! type thing)

NB. I don’t have a formal diagnosis but it would be assured if I could get one through the NHS.