Severe mental illness

I'm 35 and often feel like giving up. I tried going to college a few times. The way the secretaries treat me on the desk left me traumatised. Just their attitude and making me feel like I was an inconvenience for them to deal with, like I didn't deserve to be there.

Can't use the local trains anymore because almost all the seats face each other and I can't cope with eye contact for long from strangers.

Feel it hard to use buses as waiting at bus stops gives me panic attacks when cars are driving past and some of the drivers slow down, makes me feel watched and un easy.

I'm severely mentally ill but just feel there's barely any support. I'm supposed to get 14 hours a week 1-to-1 care a social worker arranged and cannot find an employee because of a staffing crisis.

I feel people would rather I was dead than accept I need help. It seems it's breaking a major social rule to be a man who cannot cope on his own. I've tried communicating with people, asking for help, explaining what I need help with, what things I struggle to cope with, it seems like talking to a brick wall, I don't think anyone's interested.

So help me good people. How do I get the positive results in life I desire? 

Parents
  • would rather I was dead than accept I need help. It seems it's

    If its wrong to be a man and not cope then I am a wrong one! It's OK not to cope, it's OK to bit *** at stuff, it's OK not to know how best to help yourself, it's OK to get stuff wrong, it's OK to get stuff totally f***Ed up - we r Human ergo we are significantly not perfect. My go to support is " samaratin" and its OK to crack its OK to be vunerable 

  • some people cant be helped --- and in the end its you that has to put the effort in to fix yourself. If you expect someone else to somehow fix all your problems well its not going to happen. 

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