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Severe mental illness

Roswell

I'm 35 and often feel like giving up. I tried going to college a few times. The way the secretaries treat me on the desk left me traumatised. Just their attitude and making me feel like I was an inconvenience for them to deal with, like I didn't deserve to be there.

Can't use the local trains anymore because almost all the seats face each other and I can't cope with eye contact for long from strangers.

Feel it hard to use buses as waiting at bus stops gives me panic attacks when cars are driving past and some of the drivers slow down, makes me feel watched and un easy.

I'm severely mentally ill but just feel there's barely any support. I'm supposed to get 14 hours a week 1-to-1 care a social worker arranged and cannot find an employee because of a staffing crisis.

I feel people would rather I was dead than accept I need help. It seems it's breaking a major social rule to be a man who cannot cope on his own. I've tried communicating with people, asking for help, explaining what I need help with, what things I struggle to cope with, it seems like talking to a brick wall, I don't think anyone's interested.

So help me good people. How do I get the positive results in life I desire? 

  • ROSWEL getting well and staying well is very personal, and people's advice I used find was useless when I was very ill,  I was determined to feel horrid. But may I share this with you please - 95% of all suicides are not successful they fail and leave the individual damaged and disabled physically. Plus when considering ending my life I would always come back to one image - a caterpillar because I could never get past this question, what if I am a caterpillar and one day my life will be a butterfly. Haveing something I common with you in that hard times come along then I can report I am so pleased I am rubbish at suicide and life does become a butterfly. Its bueitful and colourful and full of flowers! Just remember a caterpillar thinks it's going to be munching on cabbage for ever! 

  • in reply to Arbor

    some people cant be helped --- and in the end its you that has to put the effort in to fix yourself. If you expect someone else to somehow fix all your problems well its not going to happen. 

  • Roswell said:
    would rather I was dead than accept I need help. It seems it's

    If its wrong to be a man and not cope then I am a wrong one! It's OK not to cope, it's OK to bit *** at stuff, it's OK not to know how best to help yourself, it's OK to get stuff wrong, it's OK to get stuff totally f***Ed up - we r Human ergo we are significantly not perfect. My go to support is " samaratin" and its OK to crack its OK to be vunerable 

  • Thank you very much for the tips. I shall give them a try. Positive thoughts! Thumbsup tone3

  • Positive results only come from positive thoughts, and positive actions.  You can't change the world, all you can do is change how you cope living in it.  I've been in deep ruts many times, without any/much support, and had to think differently/positively - I bought self-help books and working on things, its hard work and easy to give up but once you start making progress you will get strong and cope better in the future.  Self-development courses can also be useful.

  • You need to box clever. Trains, wear dark glasses, wear a cap with a large peak, take a newspaper on with you. All these things can negate making eye contact or feeling that you are being watched.