Navigating real relationships when online dating is a negative experience

Hi all,

I'm not diagnosed as Autistic yet but am on the waiting list for a full assessment as I have completed the pre assessment form.

My thoughts about relationship are:

Am I able to have one because of my long term anxiety issues and regular need for emotional support?  I cannot deal with the abuse that comes with paid and non paid dating sites where people are more often looking for casual of which I am not.  I do enjoy a lot of alone time but I also feel deep aching loneliness for a hug and physical/intellectual/spiritual closeness.  I was married for 8 years and together for 10 but my ex husband and I were completely incompatible.  His negatives made mine worse and vice versa.  He was unable to discuss emotions and I am a very emotional person so I felt single in a relationship which was even more lonely.  I feel I want to trust someone again but the more I encounter men, the more they would like a casual hook up which is when I tell them where to go.  I have standards and respect for myself but never seem to meet someone of the same ilk.  

I'd be interested to hear what everyone else thinks and feels about this topic.  It's an emotive one for me and triggers me to tears because I feel there will be no-one for me as everyone is so complex that I'm not sure if I could deal with someones bad points and them mine.  I put my heart and soul into my marriage but my hubby was unable to communicate love to me which I couldn't deal with.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to folks replies.

H :-)

Parents
  • Online dating is not reflective of real life. 

    I think the best way to meet people is through common interests. I know life is more limited at the moment but try new things that interest you and perhaps you will meet someone that way. The thing is, meeting the right person just takes time and you cannot force it. 

  • I think the ultimate fear is the rejection factor but everyone who wants a relationship risks that.  It just hurts me a lot because I'm highly emotional and have past trauma from rejection. Smallest violin plays in background.

  • I'm the same I thought you gays had it easier than us hetors? And don't take offence to that I have no issue when it comes to people's sexuality or gender. But now I realise it works both ways. Sure you'll find someone soon I wouldn't worry about it. I'm not one who believes in fate or anything but I believe there's someone for everyone even if it takes a life time to realise it.

Reply
  • I'm the same I thought you gays had it easier than us hetors? And don't take offence to that I have no issue when it comes to people's sexuality or gender. But now I realise it works both ways. Sure you'll find someone soon I wouldn't worry about it. I'm not one who believes in fate or anything but I believe there's someone for everyone even if it takes a life time to realise it.

Children