Going to prostitutes as alternative to dating

So in the first interaction with any female you've ever met, you put sex first, and you don't really care about the female personally. And I'd say that the only females who would put sex first, and don't care about you personally in return, are prostitutes. You're like them and they are like you in a way. Like attracts like. And all these temporary exchanges don't lead to a long term relationship. And a relationship that only has sex and nothing else is not fulfilling and feels empty.

Your fear of being lonely is driving your finances and your future into the ground. I mean with your finances at the moment, it won't take you long before you max out your $15,000 credit card limit (maybe less than 3 years at the rate you're going). And It'll take you over 10 years to pay it off, and by that time you'll be over 40 years old, your youth is almost gone, your body's starting to fall to pieces, your job will be harder to do, you won't have any savings, and you still haven't had your first girlfriend yet. 

I'd say that your best bet is to work on building yourself up, take some of that money and spend it on a coach to teach you more about relationships and dating and give you some advice. Work on getting yourself out of that debt you're in. I mean it might take you another 4 years to get yourself out of debt, but then afterwards you'll have the means to save up money after that. 

You are right about how I shouldn't put sex first. See in the past I did because I was so desperate to lose my virginity, so frustrated before. Now that I am far from being a virgin (I have slept with 34 different girls, more than most NT guys), sex is no longer that important.

The reason I go to these escorts now is mostly because I am lonely for intimacy and also to rebel. I have a lot of built of anger inside me, mostly from my past that was unfair. I feel I have been denied dating and think I am rebelling against my unfair life situation. Also I was raised religious in the church and forced to be homeschooled all the way to end of highschool, so I missed out on my teen years. I am angry over that despite that being almost 20 years ago. And in the church growing up forced to hear "Wait until your wedding night, the Bible commands us to wait," being almost brainwashed with that made me angrier and want to rebel more.

So as you see, me going to escorts I am doing more to rebel and be bad, by purposely doing something immoral. Its that more than me being horny and sex crazed. 

And you are right about my high credit card debt, the problem though isnt just escorts, other stuff too. Like major car repairs. I have to get all four tires replaced, thats $500. I have to get new breaks, and that is normal wear and tear, not mentioning all the other car repairs I may face one day. But my point is I have no savings or money, so a major car repair, I have to use my credit card to pay for it.

And regarding being in debt, my bigger concern is a girl trapping me with pregnancy and then me having to pay her child support, which is more expensive that my escort cost each month. There goes my personal freedom. with my hard earned money going for a kid I would probably never see. That is what the latest Victoria did to me by faking being pregnant. More the reason to always use condoms, not to mention STD protection.  Forced fatherhood is unfair, guy even has one time hookup and she accidentally gets pregnant and does not want abortion, after she has the baby, he is forced to pay child support despite the fact he wants nothing to do with her or the kid and his life is ruined, stuck in the poor house forever.

Thomas, thanks for your honesty and description of your circumstances.

You will get a fair amount of "you shoudl be doing it this way" kind of advice, which will not appear to be helpful at all, if I really do get your post. Theologically speaking, it appears you have been challenged and chosen a solution that you half perceive isn't really delivering what you want, despite your huge investment in it, and you are (understandably in my opininion) annoyed and frustrated. 

Essentially as you are keenly aware you have missed out big in your life. From your perspective you've been dealt a losing hand in relationships, and are playing it as well as you can.

The choice you face is can you accept and learn to enjoy your present life as you describe it, or would you like to try and really reach for what you really seem to want, a relationship where you are valued for yourself and don't have to go broke to get off a decent load? (sorry for those of finer sensibilties, but I think Thomas will appreciate plainspeak).

The good news is, if you have had a Christian upbringing, then you probably have a bible somewhere. It can be a useful tool, even if you have lost your faith. You will other tools and a plan to migrate from what sounds like a very loveless life into a "real relationship" And I'll be straight with you, a "real relationship" with a "real woman" carries it's own hidden non-monetary costs and frustrations, and you still won't always (or even often) get exactly the sex you want, and when you want it. The sex most couples get isn't spectacular and athletic like it is on the T.V. it can be dull and predictable. But it's nice... I had some miserable people living next to me once and they'd shag loudly and for a long time. It was annoying and I'm sure they could have done it quieter. What was sad however was hearing her weeping after he'd fell asleep... 

What some people seem to do is to overly concentrate on the sex, and maybe get super sex too, but like my mate who concentrated on the money and building his business, and was super sucessful but does wish he'd had a kid, you get all the sex but less of the other benefits.

Or you can invest in yourself, accept the lesser quality sexual relief and slight shame that masturbation delivers for a period whilst using the money you are saving to fix your finances. When you eventually get a partner, unelss she is well off, you will suddenly want to spend a lot of money and it would be best to be out of debt by then, and ideally, (if you want any chance of a happy ever after) you will become "debt averse". 

Also, as others have tried to say, you will need to make some other changes in your own understanding of how life actually works, (I'm sorry, I don't know how to say that in a less patronising and offensive sounding manner) but it is true. The goal you are aiming for is to learn to enjoy yourself and your partners more despite how hard it can be at times. I found it was a book learnable skill, but counter intuitive.

And for those of you who look at porn, just try looking away from the genitals and  examine the faces of the participants. On porn hub, if you use the search term "smile" you will some examples of the few times people actually really enjoy what they are doing. Focussing on the sex, as so many people do nowadays, and are constantly encouraged to do by pretty much every "media" 24/7 rather than focussing on the years long task of acquiring and maintaining a decent loving relationship doesn't actually lead to good sex, would seem to be the harsh reality. 

It's always a compromise, and you never get all that you want, but it is possible to get enough of what you need if you are prepared to work at it honestly, has been my experience. 

You've had enough sexual experiences now, you must have realised it's all pretty much of a muchness when you think back on it. There's nothing to keep you in that life really from what I can see unless deep down, it's what you like, in which case ignore what people like me have to say and enjoy it. 

Thomas, thanks for your honesty and description of your circumstances.

You will get a fair amount of "you shoudl be doing it this way" kind of advice, which will not appear to be helpful at all, if I really do get your post. Theologically speaking, it appears you have been challenged and chosen a solution that you half perceive isn't really delivering what you want, despite your huge investment in it, and you are (understandably in my opininion) annoyed and frustrated. 

Essentially as you are keenly aware you have missed out big in your life. From your perspective you've been dealt a losing hand in relationships, and are playing it as well as you can.

The choice you face is can you accept and learn to enjoy your present life as you describe it, or would you like to try and really reach for what you really seem to want, a relationship where you are valued for yourself and don't have to go broke to get off a decent load? (sorry for those of finer sensibilties, but I think Thomas will appreciate plainspeak).

The good news is, if you have had a Christian upbringing, then you probably have a bible somewhere. It can be a useful tool, even if you have lost your faith. You will other tools and a plan to migrate from what sounds like a very loveless life into a "real relationship" And I'll be straight with you, a "real relationship" with a "real woman" carries it's own hidden non-monetary costs and frustrations, and you still won't always (or even often) get exactly the sex you want, and when you want it. The sex most couples get isn't spectacular and athletic like it is on the T.V. it can be dull and predictable. But it's nice... I had some miserable people living next to me once and they'd shag loudly and for a long time. It was annoying and I'm sure they could have done it quieter. What was sad however was hearing her weeping after he'd fell asleep... 

What some people seem to do is to overly concentrate on the sex, and maybe get super sex too, but like my mate who concentrated on the money and building his business, and was super sucessful but does wish he'd had a kid, you get all the sex but less of the other benefits.

Or you can invest in yourself, accept the lesser quality sexual relief and slight shame that masturbation delivers for a period whilst using the money you are saving to fix your finances. When you eventually get a partner, unelss she is well off, you will suddenly want to spend a lot of money and it would be best to be out of debt by then, and ideally, (if you want any chance of a happy ever after) you will become "debt averse". 

Also, as others have tried to say, you will need to make some other changes in your own understanding of how life actually works, (I'm sorry, I don't know how to say that in a less patronising and offensive sounding manner) but it is true. The goal you are aiming for is to learn to enjoy yourself and your partners more despite how hard it can be at times. I found it was a book learnable skill, but counter intuitive.

And for those of you who look at porn, just try looking away from the genitals and  examine the faces of the participants. On porn hub, if you use the search term "smile" you will some examples of the few times people actually really enjoy what they are doing. Focussing on the sex, as so many people do nowadays, and are constantly encouraged to do by pretty much every "media" 24/7 rather than focussing on the years long task of acquiring and maintaining a decent loving relationship doesn't actually lead to good sex, would seem to be the harsh reality. 

It's always a compromise, and you never get all that you want, but it is possible to get enough of what you need if you are prepared to work at it honestly, has been my experience. 

You've had enough sexual experiences now, you must have realised it's all pretty much of a muchness when you think back on it. There's nothing to keep you in that life really from what I can see unless deep down, it's what you like, in which case ignore what people like me have to say and enjoy it. 

You dont understand, I do not go to prostitutes cuz I am sex crazed. No I do this more out of anger and rebellion. I hate christianity and am non religious now. In fact, I blame the christians for covid not going away as they are the stubborn ones who refuse to get vaccinated.

But ya I have always had a bad side in me and thought being bad was cool. Like I go to these prostitutes more to rebel against christianity and to try to prove I am badass. Like most of these girls I mentioned are junkies, I think its cool that I around illicit drugs and get away with it. Way back when I was a child, I use to glorify the bad neighborhood kids who ran around and vandalized and wanted to be like them and join their group and even let them make fun of me and bully me,  because I wanted to be accepted so much. 

But ya this escort obsession is more out of rebellion, than me being sex crazed. 

Sad truth may be, I am in fact a naraccist, that would explain why I act and think this way. Cuz I even notice here many others with aspergers do not act so angry and self centered as me, etc. I do not think the apsergers is my issue, I think it might be I am a naraccist.