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Issues at work / Things getting too much / Diagnosis

M Smith

Before you read my monolog (haha), i am running out of options and struggling to find useful people to go to for support and advice without being judged. I feel trapped and helpless. If anyone is able to help with sharing simular experiences to mine below or offer support/advice i would massivly appreciate it. 

I have Self Diagnosed High Functioning Autism. Ive been working in IT for over 10 years now and have been able to deal with my struggles/challenges and used my Autistic traits as a positive drive to build my career. Ive had afew bad experiences caused by my autism but ive managed to not get too negative about them and moved on. 

Early this year i was treated badly in one of my major volunteering roles where in the end i was honest with them about who i am, the challenges i face and suggested reasonable adjustments they could help with in an attempt to fix the issues that was happening. Rather than help they pushed me out and i had no choice to leave. This left me upset, disappointed and im suffering with PTSD like symptoms now which im getting paid mental health support on. 

7 months later im experiencing a simular issue at work where my challenges are getting too much to handle by myself for the first time in my career and i know this is because of what happened 7 months ago playing on my mind thinking "its happening again" and me being more self concious of how i am different, challenges i face and how i respond to them. I dont know whether to tell them, wait for the diagnosis or just walk away. 

If its relevant, the business has gone through a restructuring, 3 rounds of redundancies, now downsizing their office space, our department had our own office where we where settled and happy. We have been moved right in the middle of an open office call centre. Im not coping very well with the sensory overload, having people sat all around me, feeling overwhelmed and not to mention stressed about the lack of covid measures and lack of communication or input regarding the changes, ive talked to my boss and to hr but noone seams to be in a position to change anything or to help. Im at the point of almost resigning as theres no other option, although part of me seams latched onto the business making me want to stay. Im about to have a major outburst or meltdown if it continues much longer.

Im on a waiting list for a formal diagnosis, im hoping that if i have the diagnosis i can approach work with reasonable adjustments and they would have to help and not push my away and if they did there would be legal protection in place. I am also on the waiting list for mental health support, currently im paying for private hemp but cant keep it going for long. Im only just opening up to people about it and i feel now is the right time for me to start getting support for my autism and maybe look to join support groups to help me through some challenges im facing or will face in the future.

Has anyone experienced simular situations, had positive/negative outcomes of a formal diagnosis or disclosing the condition to a workplace (Whether self or formal diagnosed). Thanks in advance for your help & support.

  • I can really see where you are coming from, I am in a similar situation at the moment. I am a IT field service engineer, when I joined in 09 we were a big team and now there are 3 of us and not much work. I have a new boss and told her about 6 weeks ago about my ASD. It was controllable until 2020 when my dad died, had to put my mum in a care hoem, clear their house etc all on my own. Thankfully I was on furlough then, but Covid had made things worse.

    My boss thinks she is helping by finding us other things to keep us busy and save us from redundancy, but that stresses me out even more. After 90min of training I am supposed to be running the service desk alone next week becuase I am the only one that has not booked holiday . I am now very anxious and stressed and it will spoil my Christmas. In January I am going to ask I either do my original job, and only my original job, or be made redundant.

    I think NT people show some sympathy towards those with ASD not don't really want to do anything to accomidate you. I just can't wait to retire!

  • yeah i feel like exploding at work too, infact i have a few times, one time throwing my scanner on floor walking off and saying i quit lol before forcing myself to stay and calm down.

    christmas though so too much here, work at delivery parcel company and they make you work like 15 hours every day as you cant leave until everything is done and things are never done, end up working all the way into next morning. and the work load is too much as they keep making you do 2 people jobs by yourself and 1 job is enough to snow you under with too much work. not to mention they are incompetant and get the pay wrong and are slow to correct it, probs do it on purpose to rob us. gonna walk out at 8 hours every day unless they pay what they owe me from my previous pay slip.

    i dont disclose anything, i just do my job, but they probably suspect something as one gobby kid keeps asking me what a psychopath is and asking me if im one lol if i was a psycopath id be a politician or bank manager or the runner of that company though lol

  • Thanks for all your responses. I really appreciate your storied, help, advice and support. 

  • in reply to Anna Mod

    Thanks Anna, 

    I have seen this link before, but it was good to revisit it. I think a bad experience of telling a volunteering role is making me hesitant of telling a paid role (If you know what i mean)

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Hi Thanks, For your response. 

    Its reassuring to hear that its not just me feeling like life is getting harder haha. I also feel like thats the main reason i stay in my job, because of routine, i know where i stand and am good at what i do. Moving jobs creates more negative emotions and anxiety. 

    I will have alook at Access to Work. Im on a waiting list for the NHS Diagnosis, so i may look into a private one. But ive seen somewhere that private diagnosis are not always accepted. 

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thanks for your response. Sorry to hear you had a rough time, i will be sure to have alook at my contract/policies, not sure if theres anything in it but a point i hadnt looked at. 

  • Hi , you might like to have a look at our guide ‘Support at work – a guide for autistic people’ which you can find here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/employment/support-at-work/autistic-adults. There is information in there which might help you consider the pros and cons of disclosing your diagnosis.

    Hope this helps. 

    Best wishes,

    Anna Mod

  • in reply to M Smith

    that 2nd place gave me contract with this inside it

    I never had a contract with that modification inside, it is first time

    I checked with ACAS it is legally correct

  • in reply to M Smith

    I was diagnosed one week after I started the second one 

    They didn't give contacts on anybody, or who they are higher in hierarchy

    it was like:

    we are so friendly and forthcoming you don't need to know that, if you have a problem come to us, 

    they were the problem i lasted 2 months and quit

    in place before that, all talking about adjustments was cut of with

    bring the paper from the doctor

    i lasted 2 years like that and found that 2ndjob

    example of that 'they were the problem'

    head chef came back from holiday,

    bragging in front of everyone in the kitchen about his exploits with his wife

    then he turned towards me and pointing at me said

    you will never have that

  • I work in education and they have been supportive but i dont think it's officially on my records.

    M Smith said:
    me being more self concious of how i am different, challenges i face and how i respond to them.

    Yes, I do find since my diagnosis, I'm speaking my mind a bit more and being more assertive to my needs (still have a long way to go though), whereas in the past I've very much been a people pleaser. I need to be careful.

    I too feel latched onto where I work as I've been there a long time. Fitting in is quite important to me in the workplace over other things but it's meaning I'm staying somewhere which isn't suitable for me. 

    I'm mid thirties and I do feel life is getting harder to manage than ten years ago.

    I was recently told about Access to Work which I didn't know anything about. I was told because i have a formal diagnosis (mine is private) I can apply for ATW and they will pay for autism centred coaching which will help me manage myself and autism related stress at work. Maybe look into that.

    Sorry I haven't really answered your question though! 

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thanks for your response, much appreciated. 

    Sorry to hear you had two bad experiences with disclosing to a workplace. Glad to hear your new one have been welcoming and accommodating for you. It seams its much down to the type of business whether they want to help or not. 

    If you dont mind me asking, in the two bad cases did you have an offical diagnosis and was there any support out there for a business not treating you properly? 

  • you have already selfdiagnosed

    2nd step is a formal diagnosis

    then your brain will feel like it can start learning and processing about autism and improving a lot of things, 

    about disclosing in a workplace, i had bad in one and even worse in another where I disclosed from start, treatment after disclosure. they pretended to be friendly the first case, and autistic friendly in 2nd case. I have a new job again and disclosed from start, they appear friendly, but accepted all my requests for adjustments right away without why, i start next week. previous two places i had to fight to get adjustments, they always questioned if there is a real reason./