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NT Aspie Marriage

NAS50160

My husband has autism. I’m NT.  We’ve been married for decades. I’d like to connect with other women with autistic partners to provide a support group. There’s a lot of information available to parents with autistic children and that’s how it should be.  There’s not a lot available relating to NT/ASD adult relationships. I have done some research and learned a lot but it would be good to talk to others in a similar situation. 

  • I think what you are asking is perfectly resonable. I think we have to face that all couples have some issues, and autism can make things worse. It is only by finding out I am autistic in my 50's that my wife know little niggles are not me being a pain. Like just not noticing chores at home and she though I was deliberatly leaving things for her as I was lazy, in reality I just did not see it. Good luck.

  • in reply to BJS

    noUserName

    It’s wonderful that you’re moving forward with a positive attitude. Good luck to you. 

    Have you researched much about autism? If you’re well informed and can tell a future partner what to expect, the good bits and the challenges, you’ve a better chance of building a strong partnership. I was married for forty years before we finally realised that my husband is autistic. I knew something didn’t quite fit but I just kept working at keeping my marriage going. How I wish I’d known all those years ago. However, next week it’s our 44th anniversary. Knowing how you and your partner are similar and how you are different can make all the difference to a relationship. I decided to research autism and am now more able to understand what does and doesn’t work for my husband. That knowledge helps to keep us together. Once again, good luck. 

  • in reply to NAS50160

    Thanks, it is too late for us the divorce is proceeding so I am looking forward to the new chapter in my life.

  • There's this https://www.aane.org/resources/adults/support-social-groups-couples-partners/

    - it's based in the US and a small outfit. The blurb says they have people contacting them from all over the world. You have to apply to be on their forums (to protect vulnerable members from trolls and weirdos).

    There's also a counsellor in the NAS directory for couples where one (or both spouses) is on the spectrum.

  • in reply to BJS

    Hi noUserName

    I feel for you. It’s very sad. It’s a shame you both didn’t know about your autism sooner because it might have made a difference to your wife’s choices. 

    Once my husband was diagnosed it made a big difference in how we related to one another. One major difference for me is that I understood that some of his behaviours that hurt me were not deliberate or personal. I understood more about how his brain processed things differently to mine. 

    I think learning about and understanding about autism is important for anyone on the spectrum or who is close to someone on the spectrum. It can help to avoid some of the challenges that can arise in personal relationships. All personal relationships have their challenges whether ASD is involved or not. I don’t know if it’s too late for your wife to reconsider. Who knows what lies in the future but there are women willing to work at a neurodiverse relationship so please don’t give up hope. I’ve loved and supported my husband for over 40 years. 

  • I'm sort of on the other side, discovered I was Autistic earlier on this year just before my wife decided we were getting a divorce.