adult diagnosis - woman in her late 40s

It was suggested to me by my psychotherapist in the summer that I might be autistic.  I have since done a lot of research and can identify with some of the signs but not all of them.  Although my GP has agreed to refer me for an assessment, I sense that he has not taken it that seriously and doesn't believe that I'm actually autistic.  I have learnt that girls and women are good at hiding their difficulties and, being in my late 40s now, I will have learnt to adapt to survive so far.  Does anyone have any advice they can give me about what it's like for a woman in her forties to pursue a diagnosis?  Also, does anyone share my sense that they can really identify with some symptoms of being on the spectrum but not all of them?  I feel I would benefit from talking to someone who has already been through the experience and any help or advice they can give me.

Parents
  • Firstly, it doesn’t matter what your GP thinks. And secondly, you don’t need to have all traits. I’ve only recently realised this myself. My assessment starts in December. I’m 48. When I realised I probably had Autism, I put it out of my mind. I knew my whole life had been a struggle, but felt I didn’t have many traits, including stimming, routine, food sensitivities, meltdowns etc. 
    Over the last year I’ve done a lot of analysing. I do have quite regimental routines, but this is usual for me, so I didn’t think it was a factor. There are foods I avoid, I do stim and I can attribute past experiences where I acted ‘like a child’, shouting, screaming, stomping my feet, hitting things, not realising I’d hurt myself, and feeling somewhat embarrassed after the event which was out of my control.

    I don’t think my interests were ‘excessive enough’, or particularly scholarly, and I don’t ‘like numbers’ or scientific things. I give great eye contact, but of course I had to learn this, and monitor it whenever I speak to someone.

    There so much I could write about  but all I’ll say is keep looking at your life in detail. Things might become apparent.

    The thing is, deep down, I worry, am I just finding these things, so they fit in with some of the traits? I won’t believe I am in the spectrum until a professional tells me. I was exactly the same with my daughters process. I knew what she had. I’d known for years and no one listened (she’s high functioning). But I needed it to be said and on paper for it to be a ‘fact’.

  • Hello Catlover

    Thank you for your reply.  I would love to ask you the same question as I asked Ultramarine about what you consider to be your autistic traits and which ones you feel you don't have.  I can definitely identify with what you both say about sometimes believing you could be autistic and then the next minute doubting it.  Also the more research you do the more you feel that you are finding traits in yourself to give yourself certainty.  What or who made you realize that you might be autistic in the first place?  How did you both go about getting the diagnosis?  I have already been through my GP, who has agreed to refer me, but I don't know where this will be and I want to be sure that the person who assesses me will be up to date with female presentation, as Frances said in her post.  I have asked the GP if he will refer me to the Lorna Wing Centre, as recommended by my psychotherapist, but I am still waiting to hear if this will be possible.  Also, should I wait for an NHS referral, which make take a year or more, or speed things up by going private?  So many things to consider.......

  • Hello Guinea Pig Fan,

    I realised a few days before my daughters assessment. I was wondering how we got there, and how I could have missed it when she was little. I kept thinking what a bad mum I was, when I used to keep telling her all was well, and she’s fine, as she was ‘just like me’ at that age. Then it clicked. This was 2019. I didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted her sorted out first and I forced it out of my mind. 
    (After 3 meetings, they said she wasn’t autistic.)

    During her first meeting, it was suggested by people assessing her that I put myself forward to the adult team.

    Several months later I also broached the subject with a nurse practitioner, and she was of the opinion that I had two bright children ‘doing well’, I’d been married, and held down successful self employment; why did I need a label?

    Fast forward to May 2021. I booked a consult for my daughter and I with a Psychologist. They were in agreement that assessment was worthwhile for both of us. She went first, and was just diagnosed with ASD, Dyspraxia and ADHD this month.

    My first app will be mid December.

    I don’t really know what my traits are. But these are some of the things I do know.

    My biggest problem is with communication. Its the things that aren’t said I can’t pick up on a lot of the time. Maintaining a conversation is hard. Small talk is harder. I can however, talk about things that interest me or matter to me emotionally, which means then I’m likely to overshare before I realise it.

    I’ve learned to give eye contact, but that means it’s what I’m thinking about when someone is talking to me. Also what gestures to do with my face, or how to position my head to look interested and like I’m listening.

    I don’t like change. I like routine. I think in black and white.

    I’m blunt. I can’t lie. I don’t like people much, but do like animals.

    I’ve always struggled with my mental health, have had depression many times, and anxiety and social anxiety.

    I don’t know how I feel most of the time, or how to describe it. I can’t articulate my words in person as well as I can in written form. 

    I prefer being alone. I don’t have any friends. I have lost friends for no reason.

    I have had meltdowns, and since I’ve learned about shutdowns, I can recognise I have them much more. I just stop talking and withdraw.

    I am sensitive to light, and can hear everything in a coffee shop for example,  meaning I struggle to hear the person in front of me.

    I have no sense of direction. This hinders me greatly. There’s so much I could list!

Reply
  • Hello Guinea Pig Fan,

    I realised a few days before my daughters assessment. I was wondering how we got there, and how I could have missed it when she was little. I kept thinking what a bad mum I was, when I used to keep telling her all was well, and she’s fine, as she was ‘just like me’ at that age. Then it clicked. This was 2019. I didn’t want to deal with it. I wanted her sorted out first and I forced it out of my mind. 
    (After 3 meetings, they said she wasn’t autistic.)

    During her first meeting, it was suggested by people assessing her that I put myself forward to the adult team.

    Several months later I also broached the subject with a nurse practitioner, and she was of the opinion that I had two bright children ‘doing well’, I’d been married, and held down successful self employment; why did I need a label?

    Fast forward to May 2021. I booked a consult for my daughter and I with a Psychologist. They were in agreement that assessment was worthwhile for both of us. She went first, and was just diagnosed with ASD, Dyspraxia and ADHD this month.

    My first app will be mid December.

    I don’t really know what my traits are. But these are some of the things I do know.

    My biggest problem is with communication. Its the things that aren’t said I can’t pick up on a lot of the time. Maintaining a conversation is hard. Small talk is harder. I can however, talk about things that interest me or matter to me emotionally, which means then I’m likely to overshare before I realise it.

    I’ve learned to give eye contact, but that means it’s what I’m thinking about when someone is talking to me. Also what gestures to do with my face, or how to position my head to look interested and like I’m listening.

    I don’t like change. I like routine. I think in black and white.

    I’m blunt. I can’t lie. I don’t like people much, but do like animals.

    I’ve always struggled with my mental health, have had depression many times, and anxiety and social anxiety.

    I don’t know how I feel most of the time, or how to describe it. I can’t articulate my words in person as well as I can in written form. 

    I prefer being alone. I don’t have any friends. I have lost friends for no reason.

    I have had meltdowns, and since I’ve learned about shutdowns, I can recognise I have them much more. I just stop talking and withdraw.

    I am sensitive to light, and can hear everything in a coffee shop for example,  meaning I struggle to hear the person in front of me.

    I have no sense of direction. This hinders me greatly. There’s so much I could list!

Children
  • Hello Catlover

    I don't have any sense of direction either!  I also don't like driving much and I think my fear of motorway driving is partly linked to a fear of 'getting lost' in the sense of not getting in the right lane or being able to read the road signs at the same time as driving.

    I like to be alone too and love animals.  I'm very happy just to be at home and 'potter'.  However, I also like to socialise to bring me out of myself but aren't good at planning social meet ups and don't like to have a lot as I get very tired.  I find conversations difficult as I don't always understand what people are saying to me or don't follow the conversation.

    I also can't lie and tend to overshare, wearing my heart on my sleeve which at times in the past has made me vulnerable to unkind people.

    Like you said about your experiences, there's more I could add but I don't want to go on too long.  I hope your assessment in December goes well.