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ConfusedMum

Hi I'm new here, not sure where to start with this but I guess I'll go with the fact that, at nearly 40yrs of age, I have realised that it's quite likely I'm autistic. I won't go into all the reasons why this has finally come to mind, because tbh, I think I'm struggling with how I'm feeling about it atm. I kind of feel like my head is a mess and I've got a huge mixture of emotions that I need to try and work through now. 

All my children are autistic and (this is going to sound so bad Disappointed), but I have a really difficult relationship with one of them. We clash so much and I don't know why. I'm realising I have my own difficulties and these make it hard for me to always be able to be there in the way he always needs me to be as mum. He is an adult now & living independently but still asks for me to help all the time with lots of things. I am a single parent  & can't always find enough hours in the day to get everything done that everyone needs. I am really forgetful too, even if I have things written down to remind me, I still forget! I can't focus properly when I have so much to do. He gets really stressed with me with having to say no or to change plans, or if I don't pick up the phone or reply to a message straight away and I just can't keep up. I'm exhausted. 

With myself being (unofficially) autistic, as well as my children - particularly my son, how can I make our relationship better? I haven't told anyone yet that I'm pretty sure I'm autistic too, part of me is scared to I guess in case I'm wrong

  • Hi, and welcome.

    You may clash with your son because he thinks differently to you, that is common with autism, and even if you were autistic yourself you still may both think/feel differently.  Also, you might feel he should do things your way and he may struggle to do that, or just not want to.  He may also be stubborn and resist change, like becoming an adult and doing things for yourself.  You might be able to coax him to do more himself, with you with him for help perhaps, but start with the easy things first.

    Autistic people can get anxious or angry when things don't go their way, like someone saying no, or a change of plans, or waiting.  You may have to accept that is the way it will be, or you might be able to work on things with him so he doesn't get so stressed.

    You might want to look into whether he could get any support, to take the pressure off you.

    Other parents who have/had similar issues will have more idea than me though.

  • in reply to COOKIES280

    Also I have no idea where all the emojis came from Rofl

  • Hi Relieved Firstly I want to say, it doesn't sound bad at all! I can in someway understand. I'm a 24 year old male and me and my mum had an awfully toxic/explosive relationship when I was younger (I ended up Grin care unfortunately) but now we have an amazing relationship. Funnily enough I have always been adament that my mum is on the spectrum also and though hours of real deep chats over the last few yearGrinit seems if we had both been more open about our little 'quirks' and things we need certain ways etc perhaps we wouldn't have clashed so much. The point I'm trying to make is perhaps it may be worthGrinitting down and chatting about your relationship? Air out any issues and perhaps that may help... I know it sounds really generic but I think in my own situation this would have probably worked wondGrins, instead of bottling everything up. Sorry for the long reply Grin