My (F22) autistic boyfriend (M30) says and does abusive things

He asked if I was annoyed at him this morning and I said no, explained it was an external situation that was annoying me. He repeated the questioning so many times to the point I asked him frustratedly to trust that I was telling him the truth. He said he should just go kill himself and slammed a door. When told this wasn’t okay he brought it back to autism.

The other day I went out with my friends for Halloween to a club event. I told him before that I didn’t really want to go and would probably be back early. I understand I was at fault because he took this literally. He blew up my phone on every social media asking why I wasn’t replying and he accused me of not being where I said I was. When I proved I was he said he never said it. He’s often saying he never said things that he did.

We all went home after that. When I got home he said that I was a hypocrite because I kicked him out when he went out with his friends and came back late - which is a lie. He said he was leaving at like 3am because he “refused to be spoken to like that” - when I was just disputing outright lies. I offered him the sofa multiple times and he refused, before eventually coming to my front door and shouting for hours. He says this was an autistic freak out, and that he never made stuff up but that it was due to his autism. I’m so tired of everything being to do with his autism. I feel like I’m a constant carer for his emotional well-being.

He also doesn’t work due to stress related seizures, spends all of his money on weed to reduce the seizures (he’s had one in 3 months b it that could be because he smokes an ounce in a few days), and I’m now supporting us. He’s moved in with me and doesn’t contribute, I mean he’ll pay for the odd thing but then I end up having to buy his weed because he doesn’t have enough. He would end up homeless if anything were to go wrong here. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

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  • 1.5 grammes a day of modern bud is apparently considered heavy use. That's 15 quid a day or 450 quid a month.

    That is a lot of money to have to find...

    I'm always in favour of saving a relationship and working at it as far as is possible, even in my previous life where I was actually the bread winner, and not living more like your chap is now, I still tried my hardest to keep a failing relationship afloat, until she called time on it. But it does sound like your guy has painted himself (and you!) into a corner here, financially if in no other way, simply with his weed habit, and that needs to change...

    Here is some vital financial advice for both of you. Until you can manage to save a bit of money regularly, some way, some how, you will ALWAYS be under "pressure of money". I started out with £2 coins after meeting a guy who had bought his new 400 quid laptop from his £2 coin savings. A huge weed habit, is not your friend, nor is it good value for money.

    I've got a mate who blazes a truly fantastic amount of weed every day, but he keeps his act together, goes to work, and is a sucessful family guy, and I envy him that ability. Even on my (currently peaking) 4 -7 Gramme a week habit, I struggle to keep my aspect pleasant, and pay my way. I know I need to get my act more together and stop "waking and baking", your guy has an even bigger problem. If I was him, I'd make it a priority to have a few weeks off the weed, and take a look at things.

    YOU on the other hand, need to decide if you are happy to let this go on. If you cannot gently get him to see things your way and collaborate to make changes that make you lives happier and easier, then you will need to create a different life in your mind, and go and live it, whilst you stilll can.