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My adult boyfriend has inappropriate behaviour and comments and my family think he’s “too much”

NAS75999

My boyfriend is 22 (im 24). He’s great to me and he’s lovely. But I believe he is ADHD and on the autistic spectrum. When he’s with my family they think he’s “too much” or “annoying” because he talks a lot, and can’t sit still and makes comments which people think are inappropriate. He will bully grown men about football which he thinks is a joke but others don’t like it. He stands up and follows people to the toilet and has no awareness of personal space. He also has a very serious issue with drinking alcohol as he gets way too drunk and gets himself on trouble. I’m at a loss because my family think I should end the relationship because they don’t like him. I don’t know how to tell him he needs help or a diagnosis from a GP. Is anyone else struggling with a similar situation?

  • Drinking is an issue. Because some autistic people ... well socially we can be very on or off. Either we're totally withdrawn and unable to engage, often because we are worried about stepping on a social landmine, or we get to a point where we just don't care and say what ever comes into our heads. And the nature of our condition can make it hard to find a middle ground. So some autistic people drink precisely to drop those inhibitions and because if they do step on those social landmines its easier and more socially acceptable to blame it on beer than autism.

    Autistic people struggle with understanding when they are going to 'go too far' with a joke or an interesting topic of conversation and cross over from funny or interesting into offensive, disturbing or, to the listener, boring. A diagnosis from a GP won't change that. Personally I'm not persuaded there is any thing that can help with that except more practice interacting with people. So even if your BF gets a diagnosis you will still have to explain to your family that there are certain things about him they will simply have to learn to tolerate. That at the very least they will have to patiently keep pointing out to him when things he does make them uncomfortable (like standing too close or talking to them through the toilet door).

    If you do stay with him do try to get him to get help with the drinking. If you don't be honest with him. You are effectively dumping him because he's autistic. Don't dress it up.

  • yea he sounds really "all over the place" 

    keep him away from your family until he can control himself a bit more.

    Following someone to the toilet is very scary.

    i stopped drinking alcohol completely  because i was losing control and i was drinking more an more. It is also a depressive chemical so adds to or can cause anxiety/depression. 

    tell him please,,   it would be the best thing that has ever happened to him,

    at least

    write him a short letter, covering the above text ,and give it to him then u go for a walk and let him think it over.