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Giving up on life.

NAS75920

Hi I'm Joe,

I was diagnosed with Asperger's a year ago at 35 years old and my life has got very depressing since. Coming to terms with my diagnosis has been very hard, especially due to the complete lack of support that the NHS and diagnosis service has provided. After my diagnosis I went back to my useless GP and asked if there was any support but he said no and when i mentioned my depression coming back he just prescribed me some anti depressants with no counselling (i threw the prescription away as I have been on antidepressants before and don't want to use them again). I have sourced my own support (from Diversity North East who are wonderful) in terms of trying to get a job that I actually enjoy doing. But my social/love life is still non existent. 

I have always been (as my family likes to put it) a loner and struggled with relationships, whether that's with family or friends but this has got a lot worse over the past few years. During my 20's, my life was actually very enjoyable for me as I was heavily involved in the rave scene and taking lot's of MDMA and LSD. As with everything good times don't last. Then at 29 years old most of my friends within the rave scene had stopped taking drugs and settled down to start families and be more responsible. This is when I quit drugs and tried to follow suit, but my depression manifested itself due to loneliness. I do look back now and realise that if i hadn't been taking these drugs I wouldn't be hear writing this. Unfortunately I can't go back to that scene as all my old mates are out of it and I no longer live in the city anymore. 

Since moving to a small town just outside of Newcastle my life has become very boring. I tried to volunteer for a local charity (pointless me trying to make friends through socializing in a pub) in the hope that i could meet new friends but all the other volunteers were at least double my age, so that didn't last long as i saw no advantage to it. I do have a one friend who lives in my area but he has a young family and I don't regularly see him. I'll often have weeks of not talking or socializing with anyone apart from talking to my brother on the phone once a week. Life is becoming pretty unbearable at the moment and I am struggling to see a way out of it. 

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  • Hi Joe,

    I sympathise with living in a small town and the lack of opportunities you feel there. I know the feeling of loneliness - it is so crushing when you can't see a way out. You don't say if you have access to transport. Meet up groups (searchable online - usually meet in person) are everywhere but the types and venues can be varied so it may not be suitable for you.

    I echo the advice about volunteering though and see if you can try again with that. There may be something that suits you out there, for example, river and canal trust clean-ups (you're outside and it can be interesting what they find in rivers, all ages welcome etc). Perhaps there might be something locally. You could ask at the local town council - they may have some separate volunteer lists or projects you could get involved in. Singing groups or helping out with groups can offer unity without too much pressure on yourself. It's that first step of getting out there and trying again though I know from experience this can be very hard to overcome. Once you do though and your sense of self changes then eventually other good things happen.

    In short, I really feel for you. Please talk to someone though if you feel that life is becoming too much for you. Samaritans: 116 123.

Reply

  • Hi Joe,

    I sympathise with living in a small town and the lack of opportunities you feel there. I know the feeling of loneliness - it is so crushing when you can't see a way out. You don't say if you have access to transport. Meet up groups (searchable online - usually meet in person) are everywhere but the types and venues can be varied so it may not be suitable for you.

    I echo the advice about volunteering though and see if you can try again with that. There may be something that suits you out there, for example, river and canal trust clean-ups (you're outside and it can be interesting what they find in rivers, all ages welcome etc). Perhaps there might be something locally. You could ask at the local town council - they may have some separate volunteer lists or projects you could get involved in. Singing groups or helping out with groups can offer unity without too much pressure on yourself. It's that first step of getting out there and trying again though I know from experience this can be very hard to overcome. Once you do though and your sense of self changes then eventually other good things happen.

    In short, I really feel for you. Please talk to someone though if you feel that life is becoming too much for you. Samaritans: 116 123.

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